


Honesty , is a lonely word

by orphan_account



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Break Up, F/M, Gen, Marriage Proposal, Oral Sex, Secrets, Sex, Shower Sex, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-12-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 07:25:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 32,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8523922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Can she deal with his rising fame, ? Can he deal with the time apart, we said forever, right ?!





	1. Yeah I miss you

I move over to my phone I hear it going off, it's 4:10 am,  my Skype is ringing, I sit up & turn the lamp on and try to focus, I swipe to right and answer , I see his face , I miss him.

sal"what took you so long  to pick up?"

me"it's 4:11 am Sal, you forget the time change?"(I put my glasses on ahh now I see him better, his are on too, I love when he wears his glasses)

sal"no I mean I did not forget but I miss you , its afternoon here, and I was missing you, we hardly talked yesterday "

me"I know, sorry I was quite busy at work, and you had 2 shows , the time change..."

sal"yeah I know,all that ok I just wanted to talk to you "he says it rather sharply which hurts me, I am a sensitive person, already throw in I have not seen

him in almost 3 weeks, yeah I could cry he sighs and nods) sorry I did not mean to snap at you honey, really I did not I miss you a lot, everything about you

I know that hurt your feelings I really am sorry"

me"it's ok I understand, so home in 4 days I am so looking fwd to you being home Sal, missed you so much"

sal"miss you too baby, and how's Sisco?"

me"slept with me every night, the world s best lab misses you too( I turn my phone to our sleeping black lab Sisco, we found him in San Fransisco I was with Sal

on one of his tours and this little guy was on wandering around a rest stop, my heart instantly loved him, after some persuasion Sal gave in, I can thank the

guys they all helped me convince Sal to keep him, and 7 months later here he is, he's so sweet, Sal really fell in love with him too, he comes to work with

me every day I am Vet, I work in Lynbrook NY I share an office with two other Vets, we own the business and I love love love what I do.)

sal"yeah he does huh? kiss him for me, and baby get some sleep I just wanted to see your pretty face and I miss you , so damn much

promise I will call you when you get home, text me when you are home ok?"

me"I will baby, and I miss you so much too, love you Sal"

sal"love you too baby"

 

Q"how is my Isabelle?"

me"uh you mean MY Isabelle? she is great , damn I miss her, way too much"

Q"what do you mean WAY  too much? no such thing Sal, you are supposed to miss her"

I watch him flop in the couch in my hotel room, we have adjoining rooms

Me"I do I mean...I don't know, sucks and then we are so busy when we get back , I keep

trying to plan a vacation with her, it just does not work out, man I love what we do, you know that

I am blessed, we all are beyond measure but I just feel like I take so much time away from her, like how much

longer will she be ok with it?"

Q"why? you say that, has she mentioned something, or..."

me"no, no nothing like that, it's within me I guess I don't know I guess I just have to not get

worked up over stuff that may or not may be there"

Q"you two have been together around 18 months now?"

Me"19 and its creepy you know that "

Q(laughing) "hey I was there when you met her,. when you got tounge tied trying to talk to her

and I saved  you , I could have asked her out that day, I saw you look at her, I knew sal I knew"

me"oh here we go again , with this story!"(I chuckle, what he said all true, I went with him to take his

cat he found Brooklyn in for a checkup and there she was, beautiful , gorgeous I could not take

my eyes off of her, and I still can't , I was so nervous asking her out, I sounded like an idiot

she was so shy, she still is in many ways, which I love about her , we hit it off , a few dates turned into weekly dates, seeing her a lot more

family meeting her, the guys, saying the L word, she moved in with me, and here we are 2 years will be here sooner than later & I can't ever

imagine not being with her, so I say to myself , she is my one, marry her , have kids, all that and as much as I want that , it scares me to

death)

 

John"Belle did Mr Carson call in to say he s picking up Oscar s meds?"

me"mm hmm said he would be here by 2 today, Oscar looks so much better John you did such a great job with his surgery"

John" you helped and Alex, the super 3 bad ass Vets, you know I still think we should call the practice that"

me"um...Super 3 bad ass vets, will that even fit on a sign?"

John'we can use smaller font? no?"

I smile and wave him off, out of the three of us, he's our funny man, Alex is the more serious one, but has fun, I joined these two brothers

11 years ago and it's my second home, we are like a family, which I love since my family is back in Ohio, I don't see them as much as I like

but we talk all the time, and Sal and his family are like my own, in many ways

John"when does your funny man arrive home?"

me" 4 days I wish sooner, but I got thru 3 weeks so no use whining about 4 more days"

John"he's so hot, if he was gay, man oh man"

Me" you say this, often and I agree he is hot, but you like the blondes, sandy haired men, I mean your Stephen is blonde"

John"yeah he is and I love him, but I could make an exception for sal, hubba hubba"

I laugh and shake my head and go to my office I sit down to get some paperwork done

Alex:"knock knock these came for you "(he sets down a boquet of rainbow colored mini carnations my favorite ! oh my sal )

from Sal I am sure"

I read the card " I miss you sweetheart, see you soon , xoxo  your sal"

me"yes from my sal" ( I inhale the sweet scent) he is so sweet"

Alex"you two ack all this love stuff, "

me"Alex , find a woman , settle down"

Alex"I do belle, about once a week, then I move on after...we.. you know"

me"nice...Alex you have a lot to offer a woman and DO NOT bring up ...her"

Alex"oh you mean kate the one that broke my heart? stole my money, cheated on me with my cousin,

crushed me? oh her? no I never think of her, at all, maybe my brother has the right idea.."

me"you are not gay,I mean you can be I love you be what you want, but there is a woman

for you, Kate was not it Alex"

Alex"Yip, she was not, you , you would be my choice, but you are sooooo in love with Sal,

ooh la la sal"

me"go away, we have work to do, well at least I do...shoo fly "

Alex"yeah yeah yeah, your turn to pick lunch today, and heads up I want Chinese"

me"my turn huh?"

Alex"just a suggestion my Belle"

I watch him leave my office, great guy I wish he could find the love in a woman, like I have with sal

a deep , sweet love, I pick up my phone to text him my thanks and love and snap a pic so he can

see how beautiful his surprise was

 

 

 


	2. Waiting

It's almost 10:30 pm I texted sal at7:12 when I got home, still haven't heard from him, I'm tired, I'm mad I haven't heard from him 

He said he'd for sure call me tonight I texted him like he asked when I got home, I'm going to bed I need sleep and

To calm down, I get my iPad to just check emails I kiss Sisco he's curled up next to me, I see a Twitter notification from Sal he posted 

It 17min ago it's a picture of him. Q, Murr ,Joe some camera crew in a bar in London, it's early morning there so I know he's not 

There, I'm pretty sure he's sleeping off the alcohol he drank,  Q likes to party and Sal tends to stay late with him, I don't like it 

But I say nothing, hes a grown man and I trust him, I do, I'm turning it off and sleeping before I get anxious, worked up and ruin 

My night, I text him night, love you and lay down. I put my earbuds in and concentrate on the music not that pic, not my 

Wandering mind.

dammit I see I missed calling Isabelle

and she texted me goodnight, dammit 

I drank too much , I had fun 

though Q bad influence, on me but I know you it's my 

fault, I text her its early there she should be at the office

damn damn damn. No reply she may be busy but I know her

 Phone is on her she leaves it with her when I'm away touring 

I sigh and go to get my self ready for our last show and then 

I'm happy I hear her text sound go off I grab my phone 

it says : sender belle: babe hi miss you , waited for your call 

last night fell asleep , tomorrow can't come soon enough so happy 

I get to see you, I miss you dearly, love, tty soon " I smile I feel 

better I return a text I know she's working glad she sent it, one

text from my Belle made my night . 

I'm waiting at the curb, airport is busy for 10:45 days pm he texted

they landed I check my hair and face in the mirror again, I'm 

Nervous how silly , I keep watching the doors people coming out 

hopefully he's soon the anticipation is killing me I see James 

pulling his suitcase sal has to be not far behind I push the hazards button 

and climb out I wave to James and say hello he gives me a 

hello a big wave and points to the door I see Sal pulling his 

suitcase and adjusting his backpack on his shoulder he sees me 

smiles and puts his arms out I hurriedly reach him and he 

pulls me into him he's so warm he smells so gorgeous I bury 

my face in his neck taking in the moment he hugs me tight 

kisses my head I am vaugely aware of Joe and Brian saying hello 

and goodbye , Sal moves me back kisses me and we go to 

my SUV he loads it up and we get in to go he leans over

and kisses my cheek twice 

sal"baby I'm so happy to be home, my god I missed you , 

missed home, my belle, home sweet home "

me"I'm so happy you're home babe, you were gone too long 

but I know it was fun, and you enjoyed the shows"

Sal" I did, I did I'll tell you all about it baby , per usual, I need 

you in my arms stat "

i laugh and he takes my hand in his kisses it then rests 

 

our hands on his thigh I feel my body heat up, he has that 

power over me, the physical attraction is very strong.

 


	3. You know I do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead *

I'm putting lotion on my arms and legs Sal is in the bathroom he 

just showered, I can smell his shampoo, I love that smell I 

want to kiss his sweet face, his lips, his chest , all of him 

he comes out with boxers on his hair all combed he smells 

so good he smiles at me and gets into bed next to me sisco

is sleeping on his dog bed By our dresser he was so excited 

when he saw Sal his tail was wagging so fast , so cute .

sal"baby I'm in my bed , Our bed man I'm happy come here 

(he pats his lap I move to him , straddle his lap he puts his

strong arms around me I look into the gorgeous green eyes 

that I love, they are piercing, beautiful, gazing into them 

is something I love to do, he is puts his hand on my cheek

i lean into his hand he moves his sweet lips to mine , kisses

me deeply, I feel his tongue in my mouth and wrap my arms 

around his neck I'm plastered against his gorgeous body I 

have missed this so much. He gently pulls back and tilts 

his head , I touch his face stroke his beard , I lean my head 

down kiss his chest, his neck , I hear him moan I continue to 

kiss spots on his neck . 

Sal"baby do you know how much I love you?"

me"you know I do, and I gotta say when u say it , makes 

me very happy "

Sal"I know I'm away a lot, it's more than I want to be, I miss

you when I'm gone, I think about you a lot, I worry ..."

me"worry about what?"

Sal "that your going to grow weary of it I mean you are so 

sweet and understanding, I'm leaving in 16 days , this coming 

and going, it's not easy and honestly if roles were reversed 

I know I wouldn't handle it as well as you do. I am so in love

with you, If you were done , I can't even... I just want you to 

know I love you Isabelle , with all that I am"

the look on his face, in his eyes I tear up I can feel his 

sincerity, the love he has for me it's so overwhelming 

i feel some tears fall he wipes them away.

sal"baby no, why are you crying?"

me" you are so sweet , I love you Sal, it's not easy when

your gone , but I knew when we got serious this was your 

life, you deserve it , you worked hard to get where you are

I'm so happy you have this life, you love it and it 

loves you, your happy Sal& that makes me happy the 

missing you , well maybe that old saying rings true 

absence makes the heart grow fonder, although I love 

you so much already..so.."

he nods I know that if he speaks he'll get choked up 

he's a sensitive man, I love that quality about him he 

moves me to my back and lays next to me he runs his 

hand down my side back up to my neck , lowering it pushing 

my tank top up he sighs and touches each one of my 

boobs he leans his mouth to my ear , I hear him say 

so beautiful as he sucks each nipple I feel my face blush 

he looks at me and smiles 

sal"I love when you blush, my god it's so damn cute 

you still blush , your face , your whole body , it turns me on

even more than I am, " he moves his hand down runs his 

finger above the waistband of my panties I'm breathing 

heavy just aching for his touch he never breaks eye contact 

as he lowers his hand into my panties I feel his middle 

finger touch me, then rubbing me, omg it's so good 

sal"you are so wet, I excited you that much?"

I nod and bite my bottom lip, he moves his finger faster 

I buck my hips up I feel myself, getting close he gives 

me that look he gives me , he leans to my ear and 

whispers "cum, for me, cum for your Sal" 

me" Sa...Sal! Ooh , I.. babe"

he grins holds me to him while I calm down 

 

I love watching her , love I made her do that 

my touch makes her cum, her movements, her groans 

the way she looks at me , nothing better. She moves

her hand into my boxers , fuck her hand on me 

incredible, I missed her touch so much she's stroking 

my dick , I want her , inside her I kiss her she helps 

me pull my boxers down I move me off and lay on her 

belle"Sal, I've thought about this since you've been gone 

you inside me, baby please "

me"what my baby wants she gets " and I slide in her 

she's so wet, omg so tight I move slowly she 

moves with me , I hold back cause I could cum right now 

I wanna last, even though I know I'll be in her more than 

once tonight she leans up on her elbows to kiss me, she 

kisses me deeply runs her tongue in my mouth I move faster 

she watches me, I feel my legs shake , I cum hard so hard 

I moan her name and lay my head on her shoulder 

me"my god baby , so good. 

Me"agreed Mr Vulcano, agreed.

 

 


	4. So soon?

It's raining thunderstorms , lightening, I love to be in bed when the weather is like this , she's sleeping peacefully next to me , it's 

5:23 am, the time change I need to adjust I hear Sisco snoring, I move and place my arm over her body I press my chest to her back 

She moves slightly, I just want to feel her close to me. I'm not looking forward to telling her I leave next week, shows were added 

When we were traveling, the tour kicks off five days earlier than was originally planned, so I'm home till next Friday morning 

I hate this, really do, that extra five days would have been great to have at home , I don't even know how to bring it up .

 

Later that day , late afternoon

Sal" Sisco you finished that bone? Dude your a swine " 

Me"aww he loves his treats and he loved that you gave it to him, he missed you too!  Oh what suit did you want to wear  to Henry's

Wedding Friday? I'll be sure to have it dry cleaned if it's not clean. "

Sal(damn , well here s my opportunity to tell her)" I leave Friday, they added five more shows while we were overseas, I'm so

Sorry babe, I didn't want to tell you over the phone " 

Me"wait.... you're leaving Friday? Today is Sunday, you just got home, so soon?"

Sal"I know, it's not what I want , I'm sorry , I really am babe " 

Me" well , there's nothing you can do , so.....ok I'll go alone to the wedding since I already RSVP for us, ok 

I'm going to take Sisco for a walk before we leave for your mom's be back "

And with that I grab Sisco s leash and leave , I can't believe this, he just got home! I want to cry , I'm mad, frustrated, sad 

And he will be gone about 18 days, ! That's ugh sucks , I know this is his life, I'm aware of it, I accept it, but....at this point 

I really fucking hate it. 

 

It's night time I really was happy to see my family, I know Isabel was too, I know she's unhappy I'm leaving earlier than she expected

But I can't help it, she's in bed reading I'm in the chair in our room going over some travel documents I keep glancing at her 

I don't know what to say , this is what I fear, what I was telling Q about, worried she'll tel! Me she can't,wont do this anymore, 

It hasn't left my mind for weeks, I love her, I can admit to myself, I need her,  I don't just say things to women that aren't true 

Very little in my lifetime have I said I love you , alot of people say I love you just cause , it's gotta be true that's how I view it .

 I  close my laptop and get into bed she puts her book down on the nightstand takes her glasses off and looks at me 

belle " I'm not mad at you Sal, I'm upset your leaving again so soon I know ...it's your life, and your life is part of my life , you and I are a couple, it's just...I seem to be missing you more than actually being with you , it's an adjustment I have to get thru so understand, this is how I'm feeling, and we share how we feel right?"

Me" we , yeah even though it's not easy to be honest, at times I am with my you and I expect that from you too....I know this sucks it's not what either of us want right now , I love you , and I love what I do, I feel pulled in two directions and I hate it, I don't want to leave you again , but then I feel bad cause I want to go "

belle"oh my god Sal I make you feel bad for wanting to go, that's great ,that s not what I ...dammit Sal"

I watch her get up and stand at the foot of our bed she's upset I'm upset this isn't how I envisioned our night 

me"no you don't make me feel bad for wanting to go,I just ..."

I'm at a loss for words, I don't want to argue I don't want her mad I don't know what the hell I want 

belle " it's basically what you said Sal so I'm sorry I make you feel that way, I shared how I felt so...now you know and I need sleep I have to be in the office by 6:30 am we have an early surgery so goodnight Sal "

And with that she gets into bed pecks my cheek then turns on her side ,turns out her lamp and I just sit there , I want to keep talking but I don't I lay down stare at the ceiling, fml.

 

 

 

 


	5. I'm very aware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

Vets office 

John"hey thought you left (he stops comes into my office and sits) why are you still here? Sal's back I know how you try and get outta

Here at a decent time , and we are all done so......what's up? And before you say anything I know something is up cause I know you well so

Talk to me Belle " 

I sigh put my pen down, and tell him about Sal's leaving again, how I hate it , the discussion we had last night I see him Pondering what

I've told him.

John" ok let's look at the two ways, your upset he's not home long again , I get that I do, he's upset he has to leave again so soon but at 

The same time he feel guilty cause he wants to go ...Belle the man feels bad about leaving , even worse he wants to go, when he 

Shouldn't feel bad that's his life, he's worked so hard to get where he's at, he's sacrificed along the way, worked hard that's what you 

Have to think about when you are upset about him being gone , Belle you love him, think about if you had to be gone alot he'd support

You , I mean I'm sure he wouldn't be thrilled but..he loves you, you can't fault the guy for having a career,."

I sigh deeply , I know John is right, he made good points sometimes in a relationship one person has to sacrifice more than the other 

And I should be doing that willingly for Sal, I feel foolish for being mad at him now.

Me"thanks John , you are right, I will go home, apologize , spend time with him,"

John"sex, give that man sex, lots of it he deserves it, yeah make up sex , the best kinda sex there is " 

Me"technically it wouldn't be make up sex , he wasn't mad at me, at least I don't think he was"

John" it's make up sex, it should be, give that man whatver he wants, ....he's a freak huh?"

I laugh omg John is crazy I shake my head and gather my things 

John" do you play games, like role play? Omg Sal would be a perfect fireman, no wait a construction worker , I have 

Some outfits if you want them " 

Me" um....this conversation has taken such a turn, come on let's lock up and leave, and thank you for listening and giving me 

Your advice, I can always count on you my friend ."

John" aww of course you can, and hey I'll be your date for the wedding" 

Me"deal! We will have some fun" 

 

Sisco and I are chilling on the couch, we had a full day, I tried to get alot done so I have more time with Belle this week I hear the front

Door open , Sisco gets up to go see her, I hear her talkimg to him, kissing on him she walks in smiles at me, she looks happy , I'm thankful

For that I wasn't sure how she'd be when she got home she walks over and lays next to me half on me, half the couch she kisses my cheek 

And puts her hand in my hair 

Me"how was your day? I didn't hear from you much " 

Belle" I'm sorry, I should have texted you.....Sal I'm sorry about last night , today . I didn't mean to make you feel bad . It's your career 

I should be more understanding" 

I'll admit I was put out today about last night, maybe I still am , looking at her no way I can stay upset I touch her face rub her head 

She leans into me and kisses my face , then my lips I wrap my arms around her and kiss her deeply moving my tounge into her mouth 

She moans and I feel her tounge on mine, she sits up a little to move further up my body the warm sensation I feel from her body is 

Exciting me, I feel her hips buck up then grind into me, I'm hard she feels it against her leg I gently stop kissing her and look into her 

Eyes 

Me"you know , we need to have alot of sex until I leave Friday morning "

Belle" I fully agree with that, as much as you can handle Mr Vulcano"

Me"oh babe, I can handle anything you give me, ...you and me have a strong physical chemistry"

She nods and I watch her blush, her whole body feels warm, fuck I love her reaction I motion for her to get up I get up too , take her 

By the hand and walk us to our bedroom , I turn and face her when we are at the foot of our bed and pull her scrub top off 

I run my hands up and down her side and lift her tank top off , to reveal a smooth blue satin bra, I dip my head to her cleavage and  run my 

Tounge up and down it, she moves her hands to my hoodie and tugs it up and over my head her lips instantly go to my chest placing 

Kisses all over it then up to my neck I pull her into me by her hips grinding into her she hooks her thumbs into the waistband of her scrub

Pants and pulls then down , my eyes instantly go to her pelvis matching blue silk panties , her toned thighs I go to touch her , she moves 

To get my pants down and off, leaving me only in my plaid boxers I encircle her waist and pull us down onto the bed I'm laying over her 

Looking down her body then back up I feel her shiver, I smirk 

Me"cold baby ?"

I know she's not, I know that shiver was from the look I just gave her, I just want her to say it 

Belle" no....you made me...shiver ... that look Sal, your eyes, your face the way you look at me it makes my whole body react 

And it's just a look, do you know what you do to me? Really Sal do you?" 

Me"I do, I know how your body reacts to my touch, my mouth,  I've never had this with anyone else"

Belle" it's nothing I've ever experienced, you blew my mind the first time we were together, do you remember?"

Me"every touch, every kiss, Everytime you came, Everytime I did, I couldn't touch you enough, and that hasn't changed "

Belle"sal.....I love you, love you so much "

She pulls my face to hers kisses me hard I move my hands to her bra run them behind her back unclasp her bra shed it from her body 

Kiss her soft sweet tits, lick her nipples , move my mouth to suckle on that sweet spot on her neck that makes her moan 

Her hands move down my chest into my boxers her hands grasp my hard dick , so soft her hands are she slowly moves her hand up

And down on me, I groan and kiss her lips , my hand dips into her panties she's so wet I rub her clit she gasps my dick hard from the sensation

I'm giving her

Belle"Sal....oooh My...Sal , inside please be inside of me"

Me"how bad you want it? Tell me " 

I love this scenario we have, I love when she tells me how much she wants me , love her facial expressions

Belle"sal, how bad ? So bad, fuck me sal now, fuck me , please I'm begging you fuck me!"

Her last fuck me was loud and demanding I yank her panties off and my boxers and slide into her she moans grabs my shoulder 

Me"fuck! Fuck baby that's ....omg so good "

I find a rhythm, she's tight , I'm on the larger side so it usually feels that way, such a perfect fit my god I hold back cumming 

To just feel her, I can't feel her enough i move a little faster and rub her clit, she looks at me, I know what that look means 

I move my lips to her ear I feel her shiver i whisper the words she wants from me , that make her cum, every time 

Me"cum, baby, cum for your Sal" 

And she does her whole body spasms I can't take it anymore I cum , groaning into her neck breathing hard , I lay on her feeling our 

Bodies breathing , that was fucking incredible, I've had good sex, but.....I met the one , my Belle, blows all the rest outta the water 

My body, her body meant for one another i look up she smiles kisses me I move off of her next to her she puts her head on my chest 

I hold her close, staying in this moment , is all I want . My god I love my girl. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. See you soon

I am aware it's Friday morning, as I lay in bed , yet the days flew by, I leave in four hours for the airport, she took yesterday and today off. She s taking me to the

airport , we had a nice few days, there is one conversation we had that I keep playing in my mind over and over and I wish I would not do this, its obsessive 

behavior but that's me , not all the time but too much of the time. We were driving back from taking the ferry into the city, we had alot of fun, we usually do

she's easy going and course she thinks I am funny, which I am. I was driving back , and asked her what she wanted from the tour I like bringing her little

things back from the cities we go too, it's something I started last year I get a kick out of looking for the things for her. So after I asked her what she

wanted she said just you, which course was sweet, she said she was going to  the wedding with John which is cool, they are friends and he s gay , I mean

he could be straight but I kinda like he's not, sad I guess but truth, she then said Alex may take her, then laughed and said he tells me he loves me but I am

so in love with you , he has no chance..uh yeah that's right you have no chance , I HATE it's bothering me she didn't say it like it 's a big deal she just said

matter of  a fact then went on to tell me about a cat they had in that week, something about his paw, I was so fixated on the Alex comment I half listened

I know she loves me, I know she is committed to me , I know she would never cheat on me, and yet I can't let it go. He 's worked with her for over 11 years

so he has an attraction to her, can't blame him she is beautiful inside and out. I need to let it go, I made love to her last night, it was almost desperate 

I wanted to leave her with that, her body was so receptive , it always is, but I just could not be deep enough in her, kiss her enough , if I could crawl into

her skin I would have. I hear her breathing I move closer to her, hug her into me I feel her back on my chest, I nuzzle my face into her shoulder and close my

eyes.

 

Sal" I love you baby girl(I hug her to me again, standing curb side I am ready to go , not really) I will call you soon, ok? text, the bus is 

suppossed to roll out @ 9:00 but you know that we usually do not leave on time"

me" I will be home, till I go to the wedding, so you text me , facetime me, call whatever you want my sweet man, have fun, make them laugh

enjoy your meet and greets and I am so proud of you honey, you and the guys have fun, and be safe"

sal"I will , promise to all that , kiss me again "

I lean in and give him a sweet, tender kiss I envelope my arms around his neck I lean up on my tip toes to hold him as close as I can he hugs me close

and runs his hand up and down my back he gently pulls me away and lays his forehead on mine I smile, then kiss his nose we turn around when we hear

a familiar voice  yell "get a room" It's Q  pulling his suitcase towards us, Sal sighs kisses me again then turns to Q

sal" we were having a moment"

Q"you have been having a moment (I hug Belle) I was waiting over by the doors for you, time to go buddy Joe & Murr are headed to the bus"

me"Brian have a great tour, be funny, well that comes natural and be safe, see you later and ...take care of My Sal"

Q"will do, cause you know he needs taking care off"

sal"ha ha..whatever...talk to you soon baby" 

he holds my hand squeezes it then walks off with Brian I stand there till they are almost out of my sight Sal turns and waves at me I wave and then

he's gone I turn to go to my SUV I get in start it up, seatbelt up and turn to go home, the sun is starting to come up I head to starbucks for a mocha 

I turn the radio on and the tears roll down my face, I wipe them away but more come, more than usual and that's just how it is.

 

Joe' he ok?"

Q(I look over at Sal he s laying on the couch earbuds in, arm over his face) "he's in love Joe, you know what that's like"

Joe"that I do, hard to leave the girls, I know how he feels, he always bounces back way before we get to the venue, he just seems.....more...idk something"

Q"love, see that's why I enjoy the single life, all that love, and I miss you , eh..not that she's not cool cause Belle is, I just hate going thru that when I leave

so since I am single, I do not have that sad bye, sorry man I know you do"

Joe" I do but she is so damn supportive that leaving is not as bad as I always envision, you think....Bella gives him a hard time about leaving?"

Q"she has I mean this time, he told me they had words, she ended up saying sorry and whatever but he said she was not happy, then he said she felt bad

for being mad....so I guess it worked out, he was kissing and hugging her at the airport so....see fairy tale ending who wants to sing a Disney song?"

Joe"man you are whacked"

we laugh I go over to Sal and shake him he's asleep I leave him be and go back to Joe , 18 days oh man , the fun we are going to have!


	7. It's not the same , at all

The wedding is really nice, Henry is so happy I'm glad he found Anna she's sweet and kind, I wish them happiness to last a lifetime 

John is having a ball, he loves to dance which in turn I get to dance, Sal likes to dance too, I miss him one day and I feel like this I better 

Buck up, 17 more days of this , no Sal. I see one of Sal's friends approaching the table , Marisa I do not like her , damn not enough time 

To get up and leave , I look over John is still in the drink line at the bar. she sits by me, oh joy!

Marissa"Belle how are you? Omg I love your dress, having fun? Awww I know it's not the same without Sal here, I hope his tour 

Goes great, well it usually does"

I nod, wth she fires off her mouth like a machine gun , she has been friends with Sal since highschool, she was actually Sal's ex girlfriend s

Best friend till they had a falling out, and it was about Sal. Course she's the Sal expert she gets on my nerves 

Me"its a great atmosphere, having fun with John, but yes not the same without Sal here"

Marrissa"I was just talking to him yesterday, well texting he s so excited for this bus tour, it's good you're so understanding about 

His leaving and being away, and you know he's trust worthy I mean , they have some fans who would do anything , and I 

Mean anything to meet them, I guess that's with any celebrity people gotta get at em, Sal so sweet and handsome , course the 

Ladies like that and just fawn all over him , gifts and want to hug him all the time, some even suggest...well you know, they think he 's single"

I wish she would shut up, yes I  love thinking about the women while he is gone, she really has no common sense at all , I look at her and I just can't take it anymore

me"marissa do you think I want to hear that? I mean really I do not he is my boyfriend, I am not single and neither is he we are together"

marrissa"I did not mean to upset you , I am just speaking the truth, I mean most guys would use that fan base attraction to their satisfaction easily I was

just pointing that out"

me" I am dating Sal, I live with him , I share my life with him, I am pretty confident I know him"

she raises her eyebrows at me

Marissa" well I am sure you do....I have known him almost 20 years, so I think ...well never mind I can see you are not receptive to this discussion"

oh wow I could really hit her, and I mean lay a good smack on her I stand up and smooth my dress

me" I am going now, I am done engaging in this ridiculous conversation, night"

and with that I walk away from her and her stupid face and her even more stupid comments ugh I just want to go home

 

I am in my hotel room , just showered, second show done, I ordered  room service man I am hungry, these late night shows kill you food wise, as

you don't want to eat a lot before going on stage, great show, great receptive audience I got a video of them I am getting ready to send Belle

as soon as I get my clothes ready and set the alarm to leave in the morning.  I open my laptop and click on Skype It's ringing , only two rings

and I see her, I only left her this morning and it feels a lot longer , she's in the chair in  our room hair up , glasses on looking beautiful

me"well hello my girl, man it's good to see your pretty face"

Belle"honey, hi! how were the shows?"

me"great, sending you the audience video now, so many people Belle"

I see her looking at her phone

Belle"sal that is a huge crowd wow! how exciting. tell me about the shows"

me"yeah? ok...sure wait tell me how was the wedding, I likes that picture you sent me , you looked gorgeous

of course"

Belle"sweet man, it was...fun, you know weddings, Henry and Anna make such a great couple, the DJ was really good, food

was tasty too. John had a good time"

me"good, I mean I would rather I was the one with you , but...hey did you see Marrissa?"

I see her smiling face turn into a frown then , she smiles again kinda..

belle"yep , I saw her she came and sat by me for a bit"

Me"I saw that look, she upset you ? I know she ...can be...over bearing"

Belle"I don't want to talk about her, please...so tell me about the shows"

I start to tell her, and room service comes so I tell her wait, get it come back and pick up where I left off, Marrissa must have

really pissed her off, which is not unusual considering how she acts at times, she means well , I think a little jealousy is there between them

both, understandable, one is my gf the other a long time friend, who is a woman, and knows a lot about me, I just focus on Belle

and our Skype time, damn I miss her.

 

Saturday

Q" I call bullshit Sal, no way"

I look at Joe and Murr they are agreeing with Q

Me"why would Marrissa say it, I mean she has no reason to make it up"

Q"does that even sound like It was said Sal? from Belle? really? think about it, Belle said , with Sal being gone its not the same at all and

I just you know pretend , I am single so I don't miss him as much? that's not only stupid it s a lie"

Joe"maybe she said , like kidding around you know what I mean?  like ha ha I am single when he s gone"

Murr" how 's that even funny, it's not I would be pissed if my girlfriend said that"

Q"she did not say that, I would bet my cats on it"

Murr"pretty confident there Q"

Q"you bet, I know Belle , come on you do too. we all do , we have been around her enough , she freaking adores him

we all see it, so like I said I call bullshit and we all , know  Marrissa likes to start shit, always has"

Me"no she does not, she s just you know...uh says whats on her mind"

Q scoffs at that comment I don't know, even in jest like Joe said, it's not something I like her saying, if she said it

but ...I don't get it any of it

Joe"have you tried asking Belle? she would be the one to know what she said or did not say"

Me"no I mean....not yet, I really don't want to ask her...start shit while I am gone"

Q"then don't Sal., I am telling you She did not say it and you are just gonna cause a problem"

I think about what they all said, it really does not sound like her, but...sometimes people you know , people you love

and trust say things you would never think they would.

 

 

 

 


	8. Just ask me

I just sent a text, no reply, it's the third one I sent, she usually texts me back kinda quickly or at the most about 10 minutes still nothing, I talked to her briefly  this morning, it's now 6:12 pm same time

in New York, the bus is almost to our venue and I am starting to get agitated, she is more than likely at work, but she keeps her phone on her, dammit I go to my contacts and call the office

Alley the receptionist answers I ask if Belle is there, she says yes hold on she 's in with Alex in his office, oh ok..she's too busy talking to him to acknowledge I sent her 3 texts?  I am waiting...

I hear her voice sounds like she was just laughing

Belle"Hey honey, what's up?"

Me"what's up? what's up? I sent you three text messages, you see em? no I guess not you are too  busy talking to Alex , laughing or whatever the hell you are doing"

I know I sound like a dick , she is silent then she quietly says

Belle" I was in a surgery, we just got done about 5 min ago, we were going over the chart and talking to the dog's owner in Alex's office, my phone  is in my office charging

I do not bring it with me when I am in surgery , anything else Sal? hmm?"

me"no, forget it, I have to go"

and with that I hang up, dammit to hell what the hell did I just say that for? Stupid Sal, really stupid I am letting what Marissa told me 5 days ago affect me way too much taking

it out on Belle, I will ...just call her after the show , apologize, not my finest moment.

 

office

Alex"come on he gets a pass, he misses you and he...you know just wants to talk to you , don' t be mad"

Me"I will be mad if I want Alex, he was so mean, rude I mean really where else would I be? he knows I am here, what the hell was that?  I should be the one

asking him where he is huh? at least he knows if I am not here, I am home"

Alex"you lead a boring life, just so you know"

Me"shut it...I go to the store too"

Alex"oooh  you party animal..come on...let it go you wanna be mad at him when he's in another state? you don't I know you don't so come on , he will call

and apologize I am sure, till then....lets go have dinner, my treat "

Me"no I wanna go home, Sisco and I have a date, DVR and dinner"

Alex"Sisco says , you need to go out with Alex, unwind & laugh, that's what Sisco says huh boy?"

I watch him bend down and pet and hug Sisco, maybe he's right, dinner out would be nice, I know if I go home I will brood about Sal. I agree and go to change

I always have clothes to change into at work, Alex does too, Sisco and Bruno , that's Alex's bulldog will keep one another company while we are gone, the sports bar  is

in walking distance of our office.

 

later that night

We went out for drinks with some friends of Joe's that live in Kansas after the show, its just in the bar in our hotel but this bar is hopping, all of us went

I see it's almost midnight so I text Belle and let her know I want to call her soon, hoping she is still up, wanting to put that conversation behind us, she texts

me back that she's at the sports bar up the street from her office, her and Alex went for dinner and are hanging out , the Yankees are on so they are watching that

game,  oh ok...I let her know I am in the bar at our hotel with some of Joe's friends, so when she's on her way home to call me she texts back ok, just ok that's it

dammit..I shove my phone in my pocket and return to the conversation we were all having, I feel my phone vibrate but decide to look at it later, I want to have

fun right now. it's around three something now the bar closes at 4, Q and I are left with two ladies that are cousins to Joe's friend, nice gals, fun to  hang with

I am feeling pretty good, buzzed and happy, Q goes to get some napkins from a glass of water he spilled on the table Lindsey follows him , I turn to let Abbey know

I am headed upstairs thanks for the conversation when I feel her hand travel up my thigh right to my belt buckle,  she runs her hand down over my dick and gives

it a squeeze , I look at her I mean I am buzzed I just wanna be sure I am not seeing things that are not there, she leans into me asking if I want some company in

my room before I can reply she moves her lips to mine and kisses me, Q and Lindsey walk up I move away from Abby and look at her, then Q

Q'Uh Sal I think we gotta go now, ladies have a good night, the bill has been paid, Sal let's go"

He pulls me up by my sleeve and we walk in the elevator he pushes the button, it comes down and we  get in the door closes he turns to me

Q"what the fuck was that  Sal??!!!"

Me"I did NOT kiss her, she kissed me and she ...uh,.,was touching my  dick , I did not lead her on , or encourage her in any way, I was taken a back

when she kissed me"

Q"yeah? oh...ok cause when I walked to the table her lips were on yours"

Me" and I pushed her away you saw me, I mean moved away from her "

he shakes his head...our floor comes up we both get off walk to our rooms

Q"you can get in? got your card?"

I nod yes he looks at me shaking his head I go into my room and flop on my bed, what the fuck was that? I move my hand into my jeans and pull out my phone

I see 4 missed calls from Belle and a message from way early in the night after she told me she was watching the game she texted back I love you my sal

oh fml, I love her too...I text her back I love her so much I miss her, I  am sorry for being a dick and I love her again..I send it,  it's late I want her to see it

but she's sleeping I am sure.  I close my eyes and sleep, I am sure in the morning I will feel like shit, I kinda already do.

 

 


	9. Homeward bound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead *

It's a Thursday it's a freaking awesome Thursday my Sal is coming 

home, I can't wait to see him Brian is dropping him off since it's 

Around 11 he will get home, I can hug him, kiss him, make love 

that would be my most favorite actually, not having sex that long 

when we have sex at least four times a week , yes it's much needed , 

and I know he feels the same way. It was a little rocky this time 

we had some discussions I will call them that , to me were just silly

and senseless , I engaged in them when I should have just let them go

a mixture of him being gone, and his tone set me off though and I regret it

I regretted it when it happened, but hey couples disagree, have arguments it's pretty

normal , I just personally hate it, he really is the sweetest man I know, a gentleman

so when I get mad, I always feel like I am the one who is unreasonable the mean one

cause really to know him , you instantly like him, me on the other hand takes time

I don't let people in right away or too easy, so people have perceived me as stand offish

now Sal says no, never I was sweet the first time we met, course I liked him right away

that smile, those eyes. all of him, hard to resist. And tonight I will be not resisting him.

 

I look at my watch , we are about 12 min from my house, Q has been quiet he's tired I know

I was, but I have a second wind , get to hold my girl in my arms, man it  was a great tour

some bumps along the way, personal and professional but it all worked out. I do have some

guilt about that night at the bar, but I did not start it, and I put the brakes on it right away

I talked about it with Q the next day , he was pissed then he understood and let's be honest

bro code kicks in , not that he would go behind my back and tell Belle, I mean I will

in time, I think , now if reversed,  it I would super piss me off if  some guy tried kissing her

and she did not tell me.

 

I open the door I place my backpack down set my suitcase by the wall, I hear her voice look up she rush's into my arms 

And I hold her tight , she kisses my face and squeezes me , she smells so good, she feels so good against me my God.

Belle"my Sal, I'm so happy you're home, honey (she hugs me tight again I lift her up into a hug kiss the side of her face 

And put her down I take my jacket off she takes it from me and hangs it up I hug her from behind and kiss her neck she sighs 

Turns to look at me 

Me"hello there "

I wiggle my eyebrows at her we laugh and walk into the living room Sisco greets me tail wagging I  kneel down and pet him 

Me"you keep my girl company huh buddy? I know you did huh buddy" 

Belle"he's quite cuddly, like you but he is more hairy "

I laugh , stand up and kiss her again, holding her face  in my hands she tastes like vanilla smells like lavender 

Her hands are on either side of my waist she moves one hand to my belt I feel both hands now unbuckling it she breaks 

From my kiss, she licks her lips And pushes me back to the couch I have no time to protest  and why would I , she kneels 

Infront of me I almost come undone , her hands unzip my jeans and finds my dick already rock hard she stares into my eyes 

Lowering her head to my crotch not breaking eye contact she is so fucking sexy, I watch her mouth engulf me and the sucking 

Sensation omg , I lay my head on the back of the couch , move my hands to her hair I look down and watch her sucking on me 

I can't hold out ,  I moan and cum, my right leg twitching , I'm panting , she moves up my body , I look at her i clear my throat my 

Mouth feels dry 

Belle"welcome home Mr Vulcano"

I grin , she sits next to me rubbing her hand along my beard , I turn to her 

Me" shower with me"

Belle"yes, ok" 

I get up and pull her up into me 

Me"that wasn't a question, that was a statement, you , me in the shower "

Belle"aren't you bossy ?"

She smirks at me , I lean into her whisper in her ear " I'm in charge " I feel her shiver and warmth spread over her face 

And I'm sure the rest of her, I take her hand and lead us to the bathroom , clothes removed , she turns the water on I stand 

Behind her as she's testing the water she leans back a little into me feeling me pressed into her she opens the shower door 

And steps in I'm right behind her, I close the door and take in her naked body , I look into her eyes then lower my gaze below her 

Belly button , she shifts from one foot to the other, I love it , I move my hand to her stomach I feel her shiver , I look at her 

Ahh I missed this 

Me"you ok baby?"

Belle" yes, just..,.the anticipation,...."

I move up against her lift her chin to look at my face 

Me"tell me ...baby..what do you want?" 

She moans softly, bites her bottom lip, clears her throat looks me in my eyes, her face is flushed pink , fuck I love this 

Belle"touch me Sal, please I have been waiting, wanting you "

Me"oh yeah baby? I've been wanting you too, so...where should I touch you ?"

She moans again but not quietly this time , she hesitates then takes my hand and places it 

Between her legs, I smirk and look at her 

Me"you gotta say it baby "

She groans

Belle"s..a...l, please!!!!"

I won't give in, but just to tease her I swipe my middle finger across her wet, very wet clit, she moans and looks at my grinning 

Face , she knows I'm not giving in , she brush's hair away from her forehead looks at me 

Me"my pussy Sal, run your finger on, in my pussy "

Fuck me, I move two fingers into her she moans and grabs my arm I back her into the shower wall ,rubbing her clit and moving my 

Fingers in and out of her, I missed her body, I kiss her hard I move my fingers out of her turn her around she braces the wall I 

Whisper in her ear to bend slightly, I kiss the back of her neck she turns to look at me 

Me"baby, I need to be in you !"

Belle" I need you in me, fuck me Sal, please fuck me!"

I push into her, it's frantic, fast , and loud, after I hold her against my chest listening to us both panting , I feel the water on my back 

I close my eyes, it feels great to be home. 


	10. Its not like that

I'm watching him sleep , his head is on my lap we are on our couch , a night at home we both wanted and needed , we've both been running 

He was taping episode s all week till late, we had a baptism , a birthday party last weekend, yesterday the office was crazy busy I didn't get 

Home till after 10, I was there since six thirty that morning, but even though he fell asleep I'm content and happy , playing with his hair 

Comforts me and puts him to sleep. He's getting a new tattoo tomorrow, maybe a sleeve , I think it'll look sexy , well he's sexy so anything

Added to my man is a bonus. We are two months away from us being together two years, I know he's the one I want , forever , married 

Kids, there has been discussion s but honestly I think it scares him I really do, does he want that with me? I think so, but at the same time 

He's afraid, I don't feel like there's a rush to all that, but....I do hope it's sooner than later, he's such a sweet man , the love I have for him is 

More than I've had for any man I've dated.    I can't imagine him not with me, I love him, love his quirks too. I feel sleepy I close my 

Eyes content.

 

I took Q to look at some rings I've been thinking about getting, there are three I really like 

Q"that's the best one(he points to the one on the end ) it's different"

Me"that's my first choice....and I think the most money "

Q"ahh sal can you really put a price tag on love?"

Sal",,yes , yes you can" 

He smiles shakes his head at me, I'm going to buy it, no plan of when or where I'm proposing but I'm buying it today. My hands 

Shake a little after the salesman hands me the wrapped silver box with a light blue ribbon 

Q" my friend Sal Vulcano who swore he'd never get married has just purchased an engagement ring. ....wow "

 Me"I'm know.....I know but....I found the right one , hard to believe"

 

I'm putting clothes away I hear Sal in the kitchen , he's calling me I let him know I'm in our bedroom he comes in 

Grinning , I love him, I just do I say it to myself Everytime I look at him.

Sal"baby how was the land of animals today?"(he gives me a kiss)

Me"good, little busy but that makes the day move along, I treated. My first miniature baby goat omg so cute his name is Jonas Sal 

So cute (I show him the pic I took in my phone ) he kept baa baa ing omg"

Sal"he's cute for sure, what was wrong with him?"

Me"had. A nail stuck in his hoof , he's better now.....so your day?"

Sal"Q and I got writing down, alot too, had lunch.....and here I am..."

Me"dinner is almost done its cooking in the oven chicken el frecso, oh you have a delivery a package fed ex brought 

It's on the floor by the hallway coatrack , I'm going to shower , honey timer should go off soon "

Sal"k, I will listen for it.....oh hey my tattoo appt is at 3 Friday , I know you work but if you get out early , come watch he does 

Great work "

Me"k...I will see what Friday is like, a sleeve tat , mmmmm hot on you babe "(he grins , I love him I go to shower)

 

I'm looking at this picture, wtf and how did this person get my personal address , it's a photo of me Q, and those two 

Women , we met in Indiana Joe's cousins friends, we all hung out at the bar, it's when she leaned over and kissed me, nothing 

Else in the box, no return address , this isn't funny, it's super weird and I don't like it.....dammit I gotta tell her, I mean whoever this 

Is knows where I live, I can't trust that, fuck, I hope she understands, I mean from the picture looks like I'm kissing her 

When I didn't....who the fuck sent this???!!!


	11. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

I sent Q a text including the picture I took of that damn picture with my phone, I'm still waiting for his response, he's probably sleeping 

He was tired when we parted ways today I put the picture in my bag with show stuff so it's not in sight, who the heck did this where did they get 

My address thats really bothering me . I'm trying to let it go , I feel my anxiety it's way up there. I go upstairs to shower that 

Should help....

Belle"honey you ok? You look...your pale"(she comes and touches my cheek and forehead) you ok?"

Me"yeah I'm just , my stomach hurts a little I'm  ok "(the look of concern on her sweet face makes me feel like 

A jerk not telling her what is wrong, but...I can't )

 Belle"honey want some Ginger ale ?"

Me"sure thanks babe I'm going to shower , I...thanks you know your the best "

She winks at me then goes to the kitchen I go to start the water I hear my text go off Its Q s text sound I read it he said

Call me when you can I go to see where she's at , then call Q 

Q"sal wth is going on? You said that was delivered to your house ?"

Me"yeah this afternoon FedEx brought it, who I mean , why I'm going to lose my mind man"

Q"ok look calm down Sal it could be nothing just...advice watch Belle I mean not to freak you out and be extra 

Careful , just precaution I'm not saying there's a reason but you and I have both experienced over zealous fans "

Me"you think it's a fan! ? I gotta tell Belle man I can't keep this from her , she knows I love her , she will believe me 

Cause it's the Truth"

Q"you do what you think is best sal, I mean safety wise she should know and she will believe you man "

Me"dammit this pisses me off ....ok thanks Q I will talk to her , talk to you later "

I sigh go shower and go over in my mind what I'm going to say to Belle , I really feel sick now .

 

I'm holding a picture in my hand, the picture Sal handed me, the picture that was delivered here today, I'm going thru my mind what 

He just told me, seeing another woman's lips on his make me jealous, yeah that's the first emotion I feel , then anger at whoever

Sent this, why do this to Sal? I believe him, I know he didn't kiss her first, he's staring at me , I should say something soon but I'm 

Choosing my words carefully....I look at him he looks nervous ugh I hate this .

Me"Sal ..I know you didn't kiss this woman,  she kissed you, ...I'm not happy about it, but ...nothing I can do about it, 

Do you think this woman , what s her name?"

Sal"  Abbey, ....and could be I just don't know, I'm sorry I didn't , we were just in a bar talking, and I guess I shouldn't have been "

I watch him rub the back of his neck I go stand by him and hug him around his waist 

Me"stop, please I hate seeing you upset, look you did nothing wrong, I'm not mad at you honey"

Sal" cause you are the sweetest woman , and I can't ever begin to understand why your with me , at times like this"

Me(I hate what he just said) "Sal do not say that I'm with you because I love you, with everything that I am, I'm not perfect 

I've made mistakes in our relationship, good times, bad times we get thru them, you and me, I adore you Sal Vulcano don't 

Ever think otherwise, do you hear me?"

Sal" babe....yeah I heard you, I love you so much ....I look I want you , I'm just...be cautious I want to take you to work 

And get you, I mean when I can but I don't want you coming home alone ok? I'm not trying to scare you, I just want to 

Be careful ok?"

I nod , um it's a little unsettling, but I'l do what he asked truth be told, I'm glad he suggested it, cause people can be crazy 

Me"I will be extra careful and not come home till we do together, I'm sure it's nothing but it's smart to do this, you ok?"

He shakes his head and smirks 

Sal" I should be asking you that honey, yeah I'm ok , I feel better I told you it was bothering me"

I can't help but wonder that if, this photo never came , wouid he have told me about that kiss? I don't want to think of it 

Me"hey, lean down here (he bends down and I kiss his lips) now I'm the one that gets to kiss you "

Sal"anytime and Everytime baby"

Me"love you my Sal"

Sal"baby ,,, I love you too so....so much, more than you know "

He hugs me tight , I just love this man so much.

 

I'm up wide awake , it's 2:40 am I was asleep , the worrying got the better of me , it's really aggravating to think that 

Someone has my personal info, I mean they had to do some research, to find out where I live and if they did that, then 

Who knows what the limit is. I'm just about to get up when Belle rests her hand on my arm 

Belle"not sleeping honey , you have to turn your mind off Sal"

Me"Ha easier said than done "

She gives me a look then moves over me sitting on my legs 

Belle"what can I do to ease your mind? Get you thinking of.... something else?"

I smile , I can't help it I rub my hand along her leg up to her thigh she's so soft 

Me"you my love, anything you do to me I love so...."

And with that she leans down to kiss me, I kiss her deeply and passionately she's beautiful, inside and out I feel at times 

Like she's not really mine, she does nothing to make me feel that way, it's inside me. It s crazy sounding but it's how I feel , I watch 

Her move down my body , running her hands all over me 

Belle"you comfortable baby?"

I nod yes she continues down my body till I feel her lips kiss above my belly button. ...her tounge along my thigh my God I'm going 

To explode and she hasn't even touched me there yet, her hands run along my stomach , she moves my boxer briefs down

Then her breath on my thighs , I feel her grasp my dick she runs her hand up and down the length of me, slowly, her mouth 

Goes down on me and I moan , it feels so good, so fucking good, she sucks gently, the sensation is incredible, after a bit she

Picks up the pace , her one hand holding me her other on my right thigh , she's sexy,  the things she does to me, my God I've 

Never felt this with any other

Me"babe.....so good, so fucking good, babe you...omg I love what you do...to me...damn ...oh ba---be!!!!"

I cum I feel her swallow and lick the tip of my dick, she moves up me after a moment or two she lays her head on my chest I wrap my arm around 

Her, I feel content, relaxed I know that's what she wanted, I hold her close murmur I love her then feel my heavy eyelids close.


	12. In my head

I can't stop laughing the faces he's making at me, and being so silly, my sides literally ache from laughing , I kiss his cheek 

And go to get up to shower, he holds me down making me laugh more kissing my neck Sisco starts barking , he wants in too 

Sal"what's up buddy? She's loud huh ? I know buddy i know "

Me"you....(I'm laughing can't talk ) make.....me...(he smiles then Push's the hair from my face , he's staring , smiling )

What's that look Mr?",

Sal",look? I don't know, just...thinking , I love to make you laugh, I don't want to leave our bed , and breakfast , sounds good, 

So there you have it, from my mind to yours ",

Me"mmm I would love to stay here too, and I'll make you breakfast after my shower, what do you want?",

Sal"you, I want you , you're on the menu, correction you're on MY menu"

Me",like the daily special?"

Sal"well....I mean are you over easy, get it?"

I crack up again , what the hell! 

Me"only for you "

Sal"that's the right response"

He puts his lips on mine, I push my tounge into his mouth and find his, I hear and feel him moan against my lips , I move towards him 

My body turned into his, I move my arms around his neck he rolls us over , he's on his back I'm on top of him 

I lovd his body, my skin on his,  I feel him beneath me, his hardness poking into my thigh , I move up place my hands on his chest

Me," sexy, gorgeous man, I want you, want to feel you inside of me"

He nods bites his bottom lip, puts his hands on my hips , moves back so his back is against the headboard , tilts his head 

Me"what baby? Tell me what you're thinking, "

Sal"I'm thinking your fucking beautiful, and ...that I want you to ride me, but reverse it so you're back is against my chest "

Me"ooh I like that , ok baby "

I move and sit back down facing the opposite way his arms encircle me he kisses my shoulders the back of my neck his left hand 

Moves down my side over my thigh till his fingers touch me, omg ...I moan and grind my body against his fingers, his middle finger 

Rubs me gently , this ....sooo good his lips are on my shoulder he moves his face to my ear kissing it , I feel his breathe on my ear , gave 

Me goosebumps I move up and slide onto him, slowly he groans and squeezes my sides I start to move on him the feeling is Amazing

He Push's into me I grab his legs for leverage and move up and down faster he moves his finger back down to my clit , his other 

Arm wrapped around me hugging me close to him his breathe is on my shoulder I move even faster now he starts to moan louder 

I know he's close , I want him to cum , I want to feel him inside of me he lays his head on my back I feel his grip on me tighten then he 

Moans so loud, I feel him cum inside of me, I leg go and let myself cum , I lay my head back into his chest , we don't move for a few minutes

His body feels so good against mine, I sigh then move off of him he has a big smile on his face which makes me giggle 

Sal"who's a happy man ? This guy "(as he points at himself) 

Me(smiling , kiss him )"now I can go to work , that energized me",

Sal"made me sleepy ,but I'll get up with you baby ",

Me"aww such a gentleman"

 

John"we have a lady with a cat in the waiting room, said her kitty has been lethargic, and asked to see you "

Me"on..ok ....um is she in an exam too ?"

John"I put her in three, and hey after her lunch? Alex should be back with it soon, its way past lunch time "

Me",yes, I'm so hungry , thanks John "

He nods , I finish up typing notes on my laptop then head to exam room ,3 I see a Woman around my age she has a calico

Cat on the exam table 

Me",hello I'm Belle I'm  the vet and who do we have here/",

I place my hand on her cat , it meows looks at me she says her name is Mandy and her cat is Edward 

She tells me he's been slow, sleepy lately, he's 4 years old, so typically he should be more active 

I tell her I'm going to take some blood, run a few tests she agrees I go and get John to assist me 

We come in game Edwards blood, I let her kniw it will take about 10 mins ask her more questions about Edward 

His eating habits, she is very informative, which is a huge help. 

Mandy", your so helpful I appreciate it so much, I heard how great your office was, and you specifically Belle my 

Friend from work brought her dog in last year and she said his great you were, I remembered what she told me and here we are "

Me"well that's good to hear , referrals are always a great thing . "

Mandy",well I'm glad we came......I broke up with my boyfriend last week, I wasn't sure if maybe Edward missed him? Silly?",

Me"no, not at all, animals feel a loss too, he just may miss him "

Mandy"it's what I thought......I bet you have animals being a vet?",

Me",I do I have a brown lab his name is Sisco "

Mandy"that's a cute name , different"

Me",well I found him when my boyfriend and I were on vacation, in San Francisco so...we named him Sisco he's 

A great guy, we love him alot"

Mandy"aww how sweet that is!!! Is your boyfriend a vet too?",

Me",no, but he could be after everything I tell him, he'd be good at it "

Mandy"I bet"....

She starts to say something then John walks in to let us know the tests came back ok, so I make a follow up

Appt for her to come back in one week, give her some new vitamins for Edward to try , they should make a difference

We walk upfront to Leah , I have her make an appointment for a follow up I tell them bye give Edward a pat then go 

In back , lunch has arrived we eat, laugh in a few hours Sal will be here to get me, I've missed him more than usual today 

 

I have been out here almost three hours , coffee has helped, I see a red car pull in it parks I wait and then I see him , he's beautiful I see him 

Bend down to tie his shoe then he goes in, I wasn't expecting him here but what a bonus I wonder why he's there? hmmm 26 minutes pass 

I see him walking out with her, he opens her car door then goes and gets into the drivers seat I watch them meet in the middle and kiss, 

I lick my lips, I watch them pull away from ond another , car lights go on, and he backs up and pulls out I pull out and drive behind them. 

The car pulls into the parking lot of a Walgreens, they both go in I watch him take her hand in his, they come out 17 minutes later, I watch them 

Leave, I follow till I see they are going home. , They turn down his street I continue on to home, I pet Edward who's curled up in the passenger 

Seat....I make plans in my head for my next adventure , next week follow up appointment...I have to see her again, she's very pretty 

I can see what he sees in her...her hair is gorgeous too..but.... he's mine and she needs to know that ...soon.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	13. Change, is not always a good thing

The past couple of months have been very busy, well mostly for Sal, my work is the same someday' s busy others not so much, he has booked 2 more tours, plus a cruise as in cruise with the guys, I have not seen him as much as I usually do, filming is taking up a lot of his time and when he's not filming he has meetings about the tours and promos, I try to stay positive but, it's not the same at all and I really am not in a good place, I am on the drive home, three weeks till Christmas , I love seeing all the lights and decorations it's so pretty to see, I pull in and see Brian's Jeep and Joe's car I sigh it's already 7 I wanted to just have some alone time and I see that's not happening tonight, I grab my bag and head in, all four of them are sitting around the living room , pizza boxes, empty bottles of beer, water and Snapple bottles, notepads all around them with writing, sisco is curled up next to Murr in the recliner. Sal gets up to greet me I say hi to the other three. Sal"hey babe, how are you ? (kisses me) I sent you a text around 5 to see when you would be home, I got you that salad you like from Marco's its in the fridge" "thanks, I answered your text you did not see it?(he shakes his head no) well I did"  
I take my laptop out of my bag and plug it in I turn to ask him a question but he's already gone back into the living room, I shake my head and make a cup of tea, I carry it upstairs , sisco follows me  
I take a shower than get my pjs on, I sit on the bed and flip the TV on, nothing I really want to watch, I just want my mind distracted, I sip my tea, how can I feel so lonely as of late? he's still here with me  
he's still my boyfriend, ok I don't see him as much, or spend as much time with him as I want to, he's in the height of his career I get that, and I want him to succeed I do but I also want him with me  
I focus on some stupid sitcom and settle back in the bed with my tea & sisco. Sal comes up it's after 10 . Sal"hey you did not eat your salad, not hungry or I can get you something else?" I watch him  
undress down to his boxers "no, just not hungry, so get a lot accomplished? " he gets into bed next to me with his Ipad in hand . Sal"yeah we did, more to go but it s a good start " he goes to his Ipad  
and starts typing . "I was thinking this weekend, Saturday how about you & I go out to the city, you know times square we can walk around and have dinner we have not been there in a while and it's so  
pretty this time of year" Sal" I have a live show Saturday in Brooklyn this Saturday you forgot?" he never told me that , wait did he? dammit "oh..ok well maybe next weekend" Sal"I leave for our shows in  
Jersey Wednesday won't be home till Sunday next week, honey I sent you the agenda in an email you got it right?" I look at him an agenda wth "Yes I did, I just can't keep track of it all Sal you have a lot going on, a lot" he nods and goes back to the Ipad, really? I want to snatch that thing from his hands and throw it across the room "Sal...do you even...do you miss me? do you miss us? you have been  
so busy these past two months, nothing has been the same...I mean is it just me?" he puts the Ipad down and looks at me , like he's studying my face Sal" I miss you , course I do I know it's been hectic  
honey but there 's nothing I can do about that , we have so much going on it's just one thing after another, you understand that don't you? I know it's not easy I know and you have been so good about it  
it means a lot to me" what the hell did he just say to me? means a lot to him? I have been so good about it? he looks down at his Ipad then me , I am waiting for him to say he misses me too, he does not  
I nod and lay down and roll over and turn my lamp off, after a few moments I feel him move he turns his lamp off and lays down , after a few moments I feel his arm wrap around me his breathe on my  
ear , he kisses my head Sal"baby I miss you too, I do..I know it's been hard these past few months, but it will get better I promise you it will , I love you Belle I need you with me in all this" I turn over to  
face him I look into his eyes that always make me feel safe and in love I nod and kiss his lips, I snuggle into him, I have missed that too for the first time in weeks I fall asleep next to him feeling not alone.

It's one week before Christmas , I got almost all my shopping done on line, so much easier and I had zero time this year to go out and shop. We just found out we start our overseas tour January 3rd it was the 10th but we added four shows, all sold out, it completely blows my mind.

I mean to say I am blessed I am , but so much more than that. I go to pick Q up from his mechanic he needs  
a ride home while his jeep is getting work done, it's been snowing here, but nothing bad, its actually really pretty . I see Q and pull up to get him he climbs in and gives me a nod. Q"thanks bro , should be ready tomorrow they said they would drop it off for me , so you all done shopping? I mean I know you shop on line but, all done?" "yep well I have a few things I need for stocking stuffers but I am done and most of the gifts are wrapped, I don't even have to ask you if you are done, cause I know you have not even started" Q"oh that's where you are wrong my good friend I have 3 gifts so far , impressed cause I am " I laugh and nod we talk about all the way to the diner we are having breakfast at, its out of the way, been going here since we were in our early 20's, we are rarely noticed and that's the best part, and we get the same waitress every time, Maggie, she's an older lady who is a sweetheart, we brought her some signed merchandise for her grandkids, she has 8 . We hand them to her she hugs us both and we chit chat, place our order. Q"so, are you giving Belle the ring for Christmas?" "what ring?" he looks at me puzzled then raises his brow Q" you are kidding , right? I nod and  
smile "yes kidding..I don't know its so cliché to get engaged at the holidays I wanted a normal , ordinary day you know? maybe after the new year" Q" we are gone almost the whole month of January  
then in February we start our tour, you gonna run it by her on your way out the door to the airport? you want time with her after Sal" I nod, I don't know what I want, she's been so distant lately and I know  
she misses me, but she has to understand this is how it is for now, I sigh and tell Q how I have been feeling, how our relationship has been , he listens intently, that's one of the many reasons it's easy to talk to Q, he really listens and never holds back what he's feeling. Q"sounds to me like you are getting complacent with your relationship, Sal she's telling you she misses you , that the time away you spend she does not like, and she says she understands and I am sure she does, but you have to know it's incredibly hard for her, you think about if the roles were reversed?" "yep I would have left by now, ended the relationship" Q"I knew you would say that, so..what do you expect from her? she has given you a lot Sal, an awful lot" I sit and ponder what he told me, infact I think of it all afternoon  
I have a show tonight in queens, Belle is meeting me out there, since I have to be there earlier and it's a bit of a drive. 

It's about 25 minutes to show time, still no Belle she texted me the traffic was bad and she got a late start, I tell you I am a little put out she's not here, she's the one that's been telling me she  
misses me, well she could be here right now with me , a late start, she knew it was a long drive. I go on and have one of the best shows my life, the crowd was so receptive and I had a blast  
I head back stage and see some friends that came and the club owners daughter Marla, who I have known for years is there, gives me a big hug and kiss on the cheek, we are all talking when I see Belle  
she waves at me I nod, nice she missed the whole show, I talk to my friends that came and she makes her way over she stands next to me talks to my buddies . I am mad she missed the show she looks at me she can tell I am mad. Marla" and you are?" she looks at Belle I say she's with me and Marla nods ok, I talk to the guys a little more than head to the room where my stuff is belle follows me  
she closes the door I turn to look at her where have you been? Belle " I saw the last part of it, like 30 minutes no seats were saved for me so I sat in the back Sal, I saw your act, and what was that in the hallway? " "what was what in the hallway?" Belle"she's with me? you did not even acknowledge who I am? say hello to me? what's your problem ?" I just look at her, she's mad I see her eyes her face  
well I am too . "you show up late you miss half the show and you are mad I did not say you were my girlfriend to Marla? give me a break, YOU have been going on and on how you miss me, we never spend time together and here you could have and what , do you ? no you are late to the show cause you could not leave on time, you knew how far it is, know how bad traffic is I mean it's your office you have on one to answer to and you still leave late I don't get it Belle, at all !" Belle" you think coming to watch you on stage is spending time with you? no it's you performing for people and me sitting in the crowd watching, that's not you and me and time sal! we have not had that in months! you are always working, always gone, always not with me and you know what Sal I don't think you care, all you care about is your show, your tour and these side projects, well I am still here Sal!" I look at her, what she said is true but she knows its what has to be now, I told her that more than once "then what do you want from me ? if I can't give you what you want , then why are you with me?" her eyes go wide, she looks at me , she's so still you could hear a pin drop in this room she says to me very quietly  
Belle"I am with you Sal, because I love you , but...it's not the same anymore, you have changed and I keep thinking it will get better, or it's just temporary but that's me lying to myself, we are two  
different people Sal, you don't see it, or choose not to see it but it's true " I look at her for what seems like forever , "then maybe Belle, we don't belong together anymore" I feel my heart deflate, that's what it feels like in my chest, her eyes flood with tears and she nods, I can barely look at her I look down at my shoes , I hear her clear her throat I look up at her, tears are flowing down her cheeks  
Belle" that's what you want Sal?" I look at her and do not respond, she stands there crying , then wipes her face and nods her head she says to me in a quiet voice " Ok Sal, I won't be coming home tonight  
I will get my things out before Christmas" with that she turns and walks out the door, I stand there, frozen I know what just happened , I know it's for the best, but my heart is broken , it won't ever be the same.

I lay my head back onto the pillow Alex brought me, it's full of tears I can't believe he broke up with me, my Sal, the man I love with all I am , he ended it what happened? what the fuck just  
happened to ,my life? Alex comes into his spare room carrying a cup of tea for me, he sits next to me , I sit up and look at him and burst into tears he hugs me to him and pats my back I just sob  
I feel like my world is gone, he was my world my Sal, but he didn't feel the same way anymore, I missed the signs I mean we were having problems , and they were hard but I thought we  
would get thru them, I want to curl into a ball and hide I do not even know how to live my life without him, how to go on, he was my true love .I never thought I would be without him I dreamed  
of us growing old together, what a fool I was, what a fool I am , I loved him so much more than he ever loved me. I just can't do this, my body aches from crying I physically feel sick, my heart  
is broken, I have heard, even read about a person who says they died of a broken heart, I never understood that feeling, sadly I do now, I do now.


	14. Nothing will be ok, ever again

I'm sitting in the dark in the living room , Sisco is sleeping next to me it's 2:20 I keep looking at my phone my fingers went to text her I don't even know how many times , I don't I can't , I want to oh wth did I do? I was mad, but did I mean it? In part but...we could have worked on it, then I think my schedule will not be any easier anytime soon and that won't help us. I hear a knock on the door , who could it be, maybe it's Belle I go to see look out the window by the door it's Q I open the door . Q"it's cold let me in Sal", I move to the side as he walks in the shut the door . "What are you doing here ?", He looks at me then shows me his phone, on a Facebook fan page it's written I broke up with my girlfriend tonight after my comedy show. Wtf  
I look at Q. ", Who...I how?" Q" well is it true ?( I nod yes ) sal wth? Why?", I go back into my living room sit on my couch Q turns a lamp on sits in the recliner looking at me . " Who knows? Why would they post this?" Q"well someone heard

and you asked why? Sal you are Sal Vulcano your private life was not so private tonight and someone took advantage of that my friend, so what happened, I mean you really broke up? ", I look at him and slowly nod yes he shakes his head I tell him about what happened he sighs Q"Sal you bought her a ring not more than a month ago and you ended your relationship, you went from wanting her forever to not at all ?" I rub my face with my hands stroke my beard "I guess I don't know I was mad and she said we are two different people, so I mean if that s what she means .... dammit Q I love her, I feel broken I don't know what to do "  
I hang my head Q"sal you have to talk to her. , Text her i mean where do you think she is?" "Either by Alex s house or John's I am sure , I can't text  
Her I what do I say?" Q"uh , you love her, you didn't mean what you said, let's talk? " I shake my head no and lean back into the couch he sighs and eases back into the recliner I know he's upset about this, and he's here cause he's worried about me , he's always here for me I appreciate him  
I am exhausted I need to sleep, I close my eyes and hope my exhaustion let's me sleep. 

I'm not going into the office today Alex said he and John can handle it , I don't want to get up but I need to get my things and my dog I miss  
Sisco I get up to shower I don't have clean clothes Alex left me a pair of sweats and hoodie he's 6'3 no way these will! Fit my 5'1 self but sweet  
Of him , I shower , dry my hair I pick up my phone my fingers tremble my body shakes as I text him to say I'm coming to get my things I wait no reply great I just want to go and get this over with , I go to put my clothes on my god just reply already I'm losing my nerve with each passing second  
I hear my phone Bing go to look his reply : fine , really that's it? Ok then I put my coat on and leave it's cold out I just want to go back to bed  
I drive over in a haze I feel sick I start to cry when the house comes into view I notice Q's Jeep in the driveway oh God why is he here? I pull in next to him

my legs feel like Jello I take a deep breath and walk up the steps and put my key in and open the front door Sisco comes to greet me and I kneel down and hug him to me, he's so sweet hes so happy to see me, poor pup he has no idea the pain I'm in And that he'll be leaving his home soon but he will be ok , I stand up and walk into the living room sal is on the couch in the same clothes he wore last night we look at one another  
He clears his throat, " I've been thinking, you should stay here, I mean it's close to your office and your stuff , I mean you have alot " I shake my head no "I can't stay here sal , its us , I can't this is hard enough without a constant reminder of,...us" he nods is that why he wants to not be here ? Who knows he stares at me I have red puffy eyes my hair is piled in a mess on top of my head, I look stunning , his clothes are disshelved he looks a mess, how did we get here? Please say it's a mistake Sal wrap your arms around me, hold me tight please Sal I love you...I love you ..  
He looks down then back up at me " if you I mean I feel bad this is your place too , I'm going to be gone alot if you stay then we can sort out details after the holidays, I mean after I get back from the UK" is he serious right now? I don't even know...staying here knowing we are broken up would be hard but, he won't be here. And to get stuff moved six days before Christmas is alot . "Well I can stay and when you get back , we can discuss this if you do want that?". " I do, and I'll sleep in the other bedroom , I know it's hard but I mean ..I won't be around much at all and with you working sometimes till late why go somewhere else, make sense ?" I nod yes and sigh , I hear Q in the kitchen coughing but I'm not up to facing him I go upstairs and close my bedroom door and cry , I lay on our bed crawl under the covers and cry , maybe being here is worse, but I wanted to be home when I was gone last night, I don't know what the fuck i want anymore, and I'm too tired to think about it.

I'm laying in the other bedroom I slept after Q left for a few hours it's almost four in the afternoon, it's cold and snowy out I leave for Jersey tomorrow for our four day stint at a resort there, the house is so quiet i haven't heard her leave our bedroom since she went in there this morning I get up and quietly make my way to the hallway I stand outside the door ,I raise my hand to knock when I hear a muffled sob then crying  
I feel my heart ache again , she's crying , I caused this, fixing it , I can't , I can maybe just go in there and hug her tell her I'm sorry , for causing her so much pain, and maybe just maybe in time we can heal this but....can we? I go back to my room close the door I can't hear her cry anymore  
I lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling, I need to try to get over this, I have to for my sake and hers, I'm not going to get over this ever, but I need to try , it's too soon. ..I can't my God in my mind I miss her wtf is wrong with me? Go to her you asshole , she's the best thing that came into your life, I'm arguing in my head, deep down I'm afraid I will admit what I don't want to, I move to put earbuds in and turn on my music library and try and lose myself in the music.


	15. Where blame meets heartache

I open my eyes it's still dark out I look over at the clock 2:34 , that explains why it's still dark out dammit another night of not sleeping thru the night I focus my mind on sleeping to no avail , tonight is new year's Eve, I'm not going anywhere, I lied and told Alex and John I was going to Q's cousins house they both met her , they bought it , there was no way I'm going anywhere and celebrating any damn thing, I think Sal is going to a party at Joe's at least that's what him and I were doing before he broke up with me

I'm not sure , I just know I'm staying home ring in the new year , for what? Celebrate I'm alone? Sal left me, the man I love most in this world , my life sucks no reason to celebrate that . I get up and get ready to go to the office, I grab Sisco and we go, Sal s still does, good I don't like seeing him , especially in the morning it upsets my whole day. I find solitude at the office, I can lose myself there and for a bit, I'm not thinking about how much I miss him, brief moments.

Long day, I stayed later than the guys, I told them go enjoy their night, they still believe I'm going to a party, or at least they pretend to they don't want to upset me by pushing the issue and I greatly appreciate it. They have been so very good to me , helping, listening, checking in on me, just two sweetheart s that love me, and I love them, I walk out with Sisco it's so cold I can't wait to get home I open the back door Sisco jumps in, I hear  
Footsteps I turn to see a woman, she's walking towards me she asks if I have jumper cables. "No I'm sorry I do not " she's right in front of me now  
"Oh geez I need a jump my cars around the corner my cell phone is dead " I look at her, I'm getting a funny feeling I want to go ." Im sorry but I have to go " she looks at me kinda sneering at me "where do you have to be? Not with Sal that's for sure" Wth is this? How does she know about Sal and she looks so familiar to me...I'm trying to place her I remember now she's Mandy she brought her cat Edward in a few weeks ago "you're Mandy I remember you , you brought your car Edward in to see me". She smirks at me "yes that was me, you know why I chose Edward? It's one of Sal's middle names, " oh my god she's fucking crazy I have my keys in my hand "ok Mandy or whatever your name is, get away from me I don't know why you're here and I don't care, get the hell away from me!" She Push's me into my car Sisco starts barking she has her hands gripping my arms I struggle but manage to push her away , she lunges back at me shoving me hard into the drivers side door , Sisco is barking like crazy I move to shove her, hit her, whatever it takes to get this crazy bitch away from me, I manage to shove her back she falls to the ground I quickly go to open my door as I get it open she grabs the back of my coat and Yanks me back my door closes as I fall back, I try to brace my fall but fail and land flat on my back, my head hits the ground I yell out in pain , she holds md down the pain in my head is throbbing she looks a little blurry to me I feel her knee grind into my arm against the pavement she leans down to my face " I knew he wouldn't stay with you, he belongs to me I was with him , till he met you, now that you're out of the picture, I will get him back, and you are nothing to him, my picture help in the breakup? I was hoping so"  
This crazy bitch sent that picture, omg I feel so sick I feel like I'm going to pass out, the pain in my head is beyond horrid, I hear a voice yelling hey what's going on? I hear footsteps, someone moves then I feel someone by me, I vaugely hear are you ok?? Sisco barking then all goes black.

Q is driving me to the ER I feel sick, anxious, nervous , I blame myself if she wasn't alone she wouldn't have been attacked I'm so afraid I need to see her, all the policeman said was , she was assaulted , a man walking by saw her on the ground called 911 , once 911 got there with the police , he looked thru her phone , my number was the last one dialed so that's why I got the call, funny though she has not called me. Q parks in a front space and we get out quickly rush the ER doors, I ask the desk person where she is, a cop standing there hears me, he asks me questions, I am Annoyed just wanna see her, he gives me details I ask please I want to see her, he takes me to her. Dr comes up to us, the cop told who I am.he tells me she has a bad concussion, but will be ok needs to stay overnight observation. He leads me behind a curtain she's not awake she looks awful I feel a lump in my throat, and cry, she's been thru so much I hold her hand in mine, I tell her I'm sorry , over and over again .she didn't deserve it.


	16. Where blame meets heartache cont...

I hear voices , I can't make them out I feel something on me, it feels like rubber I move my hand to move it whatever it is, I hear loud beeping sounds I cry out in pain and try to cover my ears I hear  
the voices they are closer, I can't make out who it is, my vision is blurry I feel someone hold my hand, but that damn piece of rubber is still on me I fling my arm up thinking that will make it move  
I feel hands on me, and someone leaning down talking to me, I see white Oh my God did I die? I may have , that crazy bitch did she kill me? wait no I can't be dead I would be able to see , right?  
I feel someone close to my face I faintly hear a voice, it sounds like Sal, now I know I am hallucinating, I feel in a fog then all is black, again.

I walk in from getting some drinks , took me forever this hospital is huge, I see Sal fell asleep in the chair by her bedside I sit on the other chair and sip my ice tea, its New Year s day , 2:10 pm  
Belle woke up twice since she s been in here but not fully awake, the last time she woke up was bad, she almost pulled her IV out of her hand, she kept waving her arm around, she was out of it  
poor girl, they had to put the IV back in , she was yelling it hurts I felt so bad, Sal was in tears, they gave her pain meds in her IV drop it knocked her out. He blames himself for her being here, for all her pain, the police said when the ambulance got there she woke up again, they asked her if she knew who did this, she said , a woman...she knows Sal, and that was it, so that's driving him fucking insane and it would me too, her office has a video camera set up all around the building hopefully the angle where she was attacked is on there, John went to get it and bring it to the cops hopefully  
you can make out this woman. I see Sal wake up he looks at me, then Belle. "what , did she wake up?" I shake my head no "not since the last time Sal she;s been sleeping " he nods then stand up holding his back and stretches "Sal you want to go home , get clean clothes I can stay here with her or you know take a walk, get some air" he shakes his head no " no I am not ..I want to be here when she wakes up , but thanks buddy" I nod and pick up the ice tea I got him and hold It up he comes over says thanks and takes it, then goes into the bathroom, I hear John's voice I turn to see him walk in . John"hey Q she wake up again? " I tell him no not since the last time, the pain meds knocked her out, Sal comes out of the bathroom John gives him a dirty look, he let him know exactly how he feels about him last night, sal just stood there and took it, he's a better man than I . John"I gave the footage to the cops I have a copy on my phone and you can see her face so here " he thrusts his phone at sal I stand up to see the video, John"uh its hard to watch , but you can see her face so" Sal hits play and we watch there is no sound, and I am thankful for that cause this is hard enough without hearing Belle in pain, you can't see the girls face till she turns to leave Belle, but there it is, and there she is I know her too, she dated Sal before Belle did they did not date long, Sherry is her name Sal looks at me  
and I see his face , he s' so upset from seeing what happened to Belle and yet has so much anger in his eyes at Sherry. "I know this girl, I ..dated her before Belle" John"you have the card detective Kasey gave you ? I do ..if you don't call him Sal , give him the info he s waiting to hear from you" Sal nods and goes out into the hallway, John walks over and kisses Belle 's head, he tells her he will be back later he has to check on two animals that people called about this morning he nods at me then goes.

I really want to go home , I look at Sal, and Brian, and Alex stoic looks on their faces, I am not dead why does it look like it's my funeral . I try to sit up I fail , sal comes over to help me I wince in pain  
from the bump on my head , I tell him thank you he smiles then sits back down , his chair is closest to me, we are waiting for the Dr to see when I can leave I hope today , moments pass the Dr comes in and says I can be discharged but with a follow up apt, no driving, no working for at least a week ugh. He leaves to go get my paperwork done. Alex"you can come home with me Belle I already fixed the spare room for you " Sal looks at him Sal" she s going home , but that's nice of you , she would be more comfortable at home " Alex" oh would she? let me tell you something Sal " before he begins I stop it "please do not do this, I can't handle it please...Alex that's sweet of you , but I really want my own bed and I miss Sisco I just want to go home" he nods but I see he's upset and I don't mean to  
make him feel that way but I just want my own bed , he sighs then comes over kisses my cheek and says he will text me later . I look at Sal then Brian , I want to talk to just Sal but I wont be rude and ask Brian ,he spent his new years eve here, and stayed with Sal he's such a good guy. I lay my head back down and feel so sleepy I close my eyes and feel the pressure in my head come back.

I am home in bed , finally it's 9:24 at night but I am home and so happy for that , Sisco is asleep next to me, Sal comes in with a cup of tea for me , I thank him he fixes the pillows behind my back  
then sits next to me, he looks exhausted, he rubs his hand on his beard while looking at me, I know he blames himself for what happened and should not he can't help what she did and when it happened  
none of this is his fault I told him that in the hospital when he told me he knew her, I don't him with that burden I told him that, but he won't accept that I know. He looks at me , and hold my hand in his I missed his hand holding mine , I can't take the look on his face anymore "Sal what happened is not your fault, I meant that when I said it before, you can't take this blame, nothing you did, nothing you could have done to prevent it, I am ok, sore but ok " In part that's true emotionally not so much , I don't feel scared cause I know I fought back, and I realize she's a crazy bitch, add that to how I have been feeling since we broke up and , its like a heavy wet blanket draped over me. He shakes his head and starts to talk, his eyes well up with tears, instantly making me cry "I am so sorry Belle and I feel I am to blame, its how I feel, I was not there to protect you and for that I am sorry, all I have caused you is hurt for months now , you don't deserve that, you are such a good person , so good to me  
even when I was not good to you , your love for me is overwhelming, I don't think I could ever be what you want or need Belle, but I know I love you, even thru all this..I never did not love you , I want you to know that " he wipes his face and keeps looking down at our linked fingers sitting on the bed . " Sal you are what I want and need , why you can't see that I don't know , I love you with all my being  
Sal , no other man ever, I have ever loved as much as I do you, but...you just don't , can't make this work for reasons I don't understand (his tears flow again) I can only hope at this point one day you  
understand that Sal, I am here Sal, I will wait for you " with that he hugs me to him and kisses my cheek I feel his tears on my face he hugs me tight them wipes his face again as he walks out of the room  
I use my pajama sleeve to wipe my tears away, I love him so much, my heart could burst.


	17. I know what I have to do

Sal is back from tour it's now February, we talked about us and we've been putting in extra time to be with one another, it's not quite where we were but it's better than nothing at all, in my eyes. I'm home starting painting in the bathroom downstairs, Sal is on his way home from meetings and with his manager, I hear Sisco barking and his collar jingling should mean Sal is home I go to be sure, I wouldn't say I'm paranoid but I'm safer than before the attack , he opens the door carrying dinner I go to help him and he gives me a kiss on my lips, smiles then gives me another, I follow him into the kitchen , I ask how his meeting was while I'm getting plates from the cupboard I feel his arms go around me from behind and his body pressed into me , he kisses the side of my neck and whispers in my ear " your so sexy , I want you , right now baby" his words make me blush I feel the heat in my body, I turn to kiss him, he devours my lips he's undoing his belt and zipper I pull my yoga pants and panties down and off, he grabs my waist and pushes me to the closest chair in the kitchen, he sits on it and pats his lap, he's biting his bottom lip, omg hes so sexy , I slowly ease into him the sensation filling me up, I squeeze his shoulders he kisses my neck then moves my arms up to remove my T-shirt, his hands go to my sports bra, I run my hands down his chest under his shirt he moans, looks at me, I start to move on him, slow at first then faster it feels so good ,  
He places his hands

on my hips, helping me move faster , he takes one hand away to rub my clit, oh my god this man, what he does to me  
"Lean down baby , come here " I lean my head by his, I know why he wants me to and I shiver , the words he whispers in my ear...."cum baby, cum for your Sal" I yell his name his middle finger is moving so fast, then I cum he grips my hips tight I feel his leg shake, and he cums , I'm breathing heavy I lay my forehead in his, he winks at me, trying to catch his breathe holding me close to him.

It's May now I'm packing for my tour, I'm excited to go, we have sold out almost every show, I will miss Belle but we can FaceTime, talk, text , I know it will be a hard one, I'm gone a month, I was hoping she could take time off and meet me,but she's not able to. I'm anxious about being gone that long but... I'm going to stay positive.

I keep looking at it, I've been in my office 46 minutes staring at it, I don't know what to do, it's ....ooh boy I hear a knock snd Alex comes in sits across from me telling me about a cat that needs surgery tomorrow I listen and nod, he stops talking I look up " where are you Belle cause you're not here with me" I look at him , pick up the stick to show him , he looks at it, then me then the stick again "you're pregnant! , Wow congratulations honey , you just found out? Does Sal know?? " No he doesn't, I just found out, a little bit ago, I....Alex a baby , is not , I mean now? He may not like it, or he may I don't know, I don't know how I feel !". He tilts his head then speaks " a baby is a blessing , you love each other. It may not be ideal at the moment but...come on a baby !", I think he makes great points, I have to decide to tell Sal now or after his tour , I mean he leaves tonight, I won't see him very long before he goes, I don't think telling him an hour before he boards his plane is a good idea , really its not, we've discussed kids in the past, but not recently my head is full, I love him and of course I want his baby, I don't think telling him today is his I'll wait till he's home, yes that's the better idea, I've made my mind up.... I think .

"Sal I'm not arguing with you I simply asked you a question, you didn't answer so I asked again" he's annoyed I see his face as we FaceTime  
"You've been mad at me for over a week now , I told you I wasn't sure and that's my answer is that not good enough ?",

he's been such a jerk since he left, I simply asked him about something I wanted to do in the garage and this is how he acts, yesterday when we talked he was having side conversation with Joe, I mean he's acting like he was before " nevermind Sal I'll figure it out myself " he looks at me starts to say something, stops sighs , I am done "ok I'm going to go have a good show " I hear a woman laughing I see him turn to look smile then back to me "ok then I'll talk to you later, love you " before I can respond he's gone , great ..I go to put my phone down when I hear laughing I'm startled for a moment then realize it's coming from my phone, I hear Sal now I look the FaceTime app is on but his phone is pointed at the ceiling, I hear her laughing talking to him I see his hand picking up a bottle of water then I hear her say " sal its not a big deal, she won't know....he responded "but I will I'm not..look you're a knockout , I mean if I was single, but I'm not". " Seems like you're relationship isn't that great I've heard you talk to her it's not very love like ". I hear nothing for a few minutes then ...." I owe her alot, hard to explain but...I do and I know you're hanging around me thinking one thing but  
Like I said I'm not single ". I hear some rustling moving around " how about I show you , with my mouth how much I like you Sal, it's not sex I will get down on my knees right here, right now " I hear him moan and say "Jesus don't say things like that you're turning me on " "that's the point Sal come on I'm really good at them '",. Ooh I bet you are, you filthy whore , I hear him say no it's not....right...then I hear what I'm pretty sure sounds like kissing , lips smacking omg!!!! They are kissing omg !!!! Wtf???!!!! I didn't realize I screamed Wtf till I see his face looking over his phone then he picks it up I lose my mind " you bastard , who's that whore? You kissed her??? You owe me? You owe me nothing Sal! Nothing we are done, !!! She can suck your dick now!!!!!" With that I hang up, throw my phone and scream, cry and lay on the floor, after I calm down I sit up I hear my phone ringing again I'm not getting it, it's Sal I know it is, I can't do this anymore, I can't I'm not the only one in this, I can't bring a baby into this it's not fair to this baby, I know what I have to do, it's going to hurt like hell but I have to, it's my only choice, I stand up look around and put my hands on my stomach I tell my baby I love you , I cry but I know in my heart it's what is best.


	18. Empty

I'm standing in my office , I've told him many times I don't know anything , I told him that when he called me 14 times, I get why he doesn't believe me but I've got nothing to tell him . "She quit, and left and you have no idea where she went? Just left didn't tell you anything?" "Like I told you she came in, quit the practice said she was moving, would not say where, said she'd text me when she was settled in to where she was going, that was about two weeks ago, I even called her family, in Ohio she's not there,". "I know that her brother Dominic and I talk, I can't believe she didn't at least tell you or John where she was going, and she loved this practice". I look at him like really? She left new York cause of you Sal and you know it "yeah she did, and we loved her, no love her, she is like a sister to me, I miss her everyday Sal, she was just done look I'm not going to rehash your personal business, but she left because of you , she said she needed to start over and I guess that's what she did" he sighs , asks me to please let him know if I hear from her then leaves, I actually feel bad for the guy, I can tell he's heartbroken but I can , will never break my promise to her, i make sure he pulls out of the parking lot and I text her "Sal was just here course looking for you, course I told him I didn't know, I miss you text me when you get this, no Skype me, John mises you too, are you eating and drinking enough? You better be love you Alex xxx"

I will text Alex soon, this sunshine is pure bliss, I can get used to Florida, so far it's been good to me I've been here almost a month , I'm staying with my cousin Chris and his wife Marty, Chris and I are close out of all my cousin's he's always been my favorite and I know I can trust him to not tell my family anything, I love my family dearly, but I know my Mom and at least three of my four brothers would have let him know where I was .  
Chris comes out to the deck where I'm sitting hands me water , sits with me "you know Belle you can stay here as long as you like i love you , Marty loves you, and I want to watch over you, ". I smile at him hes so sweet "Chris I can't thank you enough " he nods "I want you to know we are here for you Belle " I nod sip my water, he kisses my forehead than heads to work , I'm truly at peace, I do miss him ,but the old Sal is what I truly miss,   
I look down and rub my bump, it's tiny but there, I'm almost four months along , in six weeks I get to find out the sex of the baby , I can't wait Alex is coming down to see me in six weeks I can take him to the appointment, I miss my Vet practice, but after the baby comes my plan is to find one here and work at what I love to do, I text Alex back then close my eyes the sun putting me to sleep.

We are getting ready to plan our cruise, I mean it's planned but talk about the acts and who were inviting in for shows, it's July , not the best summer we've had a ton of rain , I'm half listening, tomorrow is her birthday, I wish I could tell her happy birthday, I wish I could tell her alot, I can't , it's like she disappeared, social media accounts gone, her cell number out of service, she didn't even give me a chance to explain that night, I was a real jerk to her I know that, she had every right to go,....but she could have told me, and the words she told me that night after she came home from the hospital, I'll wait for you Sal, I guess that's not true.


	19. Back to New York

The plane is going to land in 40 minutes, I feel queasy , sick I have not been back here in three years, when I got the call from John about Alex I knew what I had to do, come back here help take care of him, and the practice, Alex sweet Alex diagnosed with cancer , he's going to pull thru, he's my best friend, he's been with me thru so much I love him dearly. I look over at my sleeping son, Anthony he is the light of my life, he turned three last week, I can't get enough of him. It was hard leaving Chris and Marty they adore AJ, Anthony Joseph , Anthony after one of Sal's middle names and Joseph after my dad, I didn't give him Sals last name, he has mine. Truth be told I've really thought alot about telling Sal, there years have passed , and AJ will start asking questions, he was in preschool two days a week back in Florida, the whole daddy thing has been asked, I know I've been incredibly selfish, many times over the year I dialed his number but never hit the button to complete that call. I know it'll be hard,he will be angry I've been preparing on how to tell him, if I don't pass out first. AJ looks alot like Sal, when he was born he was more me....but around two the Vulcano side came into play, he always had Sal's gorgeous green eyes, our dark hair, he has dimples , like Sal and I, he's very inquisitive and loves astronomy, I've never loved a human as much as I do him. 

I'm going to lose my mind today, our flight is landing late, I've been gone three weeks, I miss home, and being delayed in Pennsylvania was just asinine, but at least we are landed , let me get my bags and get the hell home, Q just woke up he's across from me, Joe and Murr Infront of me  
I just want to run off this plane . I'm headed back from baggage claim Q is Infront of me, it's not too busy since we landed at 10:25 at night , all of a sudden Q stops walking , I'm aware only after I knock into him ." Damn Q you forget how to walk?" He doesn't respond his eyes are averted to the right of him, I follow his eyes, what the hell is he looking at, then I see her, Belle, her hair is longer than she used to wear it, she has on jeans tall black boots and a green pea coat, my God it's her "Sal you see what I do?" Just then a little boy moves from behind her legs, his back is to me he has dark hair, she smiles down at him and picks him up setting him on her left hip, she's adjusting her backpack and fixing her suitcase , that's when I see his face, Q says OMG......I'm looking , I am not, no....wait....Q looks at me, then back at them .....that boy looks just like me ,I'm frozen I can't move Q looks at me "sal....that....kid...." I nod we watch her roll her luggage away , "Q we , I have to , omg follow her" we make our way thru the airport I'm walking in a haze, maybe I'm seeing things, maybe I just thought he looks like me, omg Sal knock it the fuck off, you know he looks just like you. She stops to look at her phone , the boy looks over her shoulder he looks at me and Q he smiles, I gasp Q says "Sal he's your...."  
Yeah my son, I say in my head she starts to walk thru the out doors I can't , I say her name, she stops walking I see her body tense she slowly turns  
Around her eyes meet mine, she looks like, she's going to pass out, or throw up, I move closer to her , I look at him, he's inches from me, Q moves behind me now, this little boy he has my eyes, he looks just like me, "mommy who s dat man? ". He points at me , I tear up hearing his voice , he then points at Q asks the same question, she clears her throat "honey, those are, old friends of mommy's when I lived here" "oh what they names mommy?". She looks at Q and says that's Brian, then she looks at me, and says that's Sal , he smiles then sticks his little hand out "hi Brian hi Sal I'm AJ , well my name is Anthony Joseph Cardelli it's nice to meet you both " I shake his little hand ,my God he's beautiful , I hold onto his hand he smiles , then moves his hand and shakes Q s hand "nice to meet you buddy, I've known your mom a long time " shes looking at me , how could she keep him from me? "Sal, Brian we have to go but here (she hands me a business card I glance at it her name is on it , says the vet clinic in Tampa Florida, her number is on it ) call me, we are headed to Alex s house ". "my uncle Alex is sick, we are gonna live her now my mommy is a animal Dr she's gonna work here's now" I nod at him, she says bye, he waves bye to us and they head out. I just met my son. 

I'm ranting, raging, crying that bitch, she had no right, I am his father, she hid it! Kept him a secret???? All the guys are here, Q called them on the drive home. I'm going to kill her! Who the Fuck does she think she is???? They are letting me yell I hear my cell ping I look it's her , she texted if we could talk, I said come over cause yeah we need to talk!!!! Joe calms me down, he reminds me, that she could have many good reasons let her talk  
Oh ok. ...then I'll kill her.

She's sitting on my couch I want to scream at her, I don't I wait for her to talk " there is nothing I can say to you Sal that excuses what I did, I know that , ok you said explain , ok I knew I was pregnant before you left on your tour that May , I had just found out that morning , I didn't think telling you the day you left was a good thing, my plan was to tell you when you got back, but....that happened with that woman and I decided i couldn't do this with you anymore, it was not only me I had a baby to consider, you and I were not in a good place at all, I just wanted to get away from you, New York so I did, I lived with my cousin Chris and his wife Marty, i had AJ, he was born November 16 , he was 7 pounds 5 ounces 18 inches long, a little peanut, he's a happy, sweet, little boy, he's very inquisitive and he loves astronomy. I found out Alex had cancer and I knew what I had to do, Sal I was going to tell you, when we were settled in, I picked up the phone to call you so many times, I know I wasn't fair to you Sal, I robbed you of three years, I want him to know you, as his dad.". I look at her, I don't know where to start "you thought not telling me you were pregnant with my child was your best solution??? How dare you make that decision on your own, weather we were together or apart, he's my son, a part of me, I mean for three years he's been in this world and I had no clue, how could you? You loved me so much yet , you kept him from me, disappeared , no one ....oh well! Obviously Alex knew, Uncle Alex I mean......I just hate you Belle, i can't even begin to understand you're reasons.... Anthony Joseph , the Anthony is after me?(she nods yes) I start to cry, I'm a dad, his sweet little face, my God, she tears up "Sal he's your son, you want to be in his life I know, I want you to be". "Oh how big of you, now he can? Gee thanks , you bet your ass he's going to be in my life! I wanna see him tomorrow" she stands up  
"Ok Sal , I'll text you and we can meet, we can tell him together about you ok?" I nod , she stares at me "I'm so very sorry Sal" then she leaves, I sit in my chair not moving, I'm a Dad , I have a son, AJ Anthony Joseph Cardelli, Vulcano will be added to that , he should have my last name, and he will.


	20. Overwhelmed

I'm waiting for them, we decided they would come here, it's private. , Can't risk anything in public, and I want time with him , not in a public place. I told my family, course they want to meet him, I texted them a picture she sent me, they are in awe of him, many mixed emotions, but bottom line thrilled about him. I hear them at the door I open it he's standing there smiling at me, holding her hand , I welcome them in, he comes and takes his shoes off, hands her his coat, little man is adorable. I tell them come in bring them to the living room. They sit on the couch I sit opposite of them .  
"AJ remember what we talked about last night and this morning ? (He nods yes) good sweetheart, remember meeting Sal in the airport?(he looks at me for a few moments smiles nods yes) "my mommy told me about you, she showed me pictures of you, you on the computer, some on mommy's phone...". I smile at him, he's just beautiful, I could look at him all day , he looks at Belle than me, " I look like you , I can tell, mommy told me why cause you are my daddy "( I tear up ) " yeah buddy I am, and I'm so glad I got to meet you , I'm excited to spend time with you AJ" I watch Belle she's teary eyed she's holding his hand running her thumb over his hand she clears her throat "I've rented a house two blocks from my office, it's about ten minutes from you, I have some furniture I kept in storage when I moved to Florida, I need to buy him a bedroom set " " I can buy one, I mean I'd like to " she looks at me... "Thank you Sal, that's nice of you" I want to say he's my son nice? I hold my tounge I keep reminding myself not to let him see my anger towards her, he's her mom, my dad reminded me of that and he made a good point .

I'm watching them talk and looking at bedroom sets, I feel sad, sad for Sal, AJ is amazing , it's really hitting me what I did, I knew it was wrong now seeing them together, makes me feel even worse. He will be a great dad, I know this , I see AJ take his hand, the look on Sal's face I could cry, they walk over to me "he likes that one (Sal points at an oak set) right buddy? ". "yeah I like it alot " I watch him go over and sit on the bed he giggles and lays in the bed "he has a very good vocabulary for being three ". I nod "he started talking when he was one, full sentences at two, I read alot to him every night I do, he loves books, especially about the moon and stars, his favorite book is Dr Seuss Oh the places you'll go, he pretty much has it mesmerized, you can read it to him some nights " I look at her, that was a sweet thing to say. "I would love to....so he needs bedding , let's go get that , then some lunch? ". ..she smiles at me for the first time since she's been back "sounds like a good plan to me Sal" 

It's after eight we are at her house, AJ shows me his room, "I sleeping with mommy , and now I get a new bed " I smile at him hes looking up at me  
"Tomorrow buddy it'll be here , I will help set it up , you wanna help me?" "Oh yeah I do, thank you Daddy (he hugs my legs I rub his head tears roll down my cheeks he called me daddy, my heart omg he looks up at me "why you sad?". I wipe my face and bend down to his level "I'm not sad buddy I'm happy, so happy you're here , so happy ". He hugs me around my neck I pick him up hug him to me,. After he falls asleep i carry him to her room, change him into PJs I kiss his head sit next to him and watch him sleep, I rub his head, kiss him again , after a while I get up, I go downstairs, she's in the kitchen putting things away "he's sleeping, I was just watching him , so tomorrow I can see him?" She nods yes then starts crying  
She looks at me, wipes her tears but they keep coming "Sal I'm so very sorry ,seeing you together today, you didn't deserve this, I'm , I'll never be able to give back that time, I don't expect you to ever forgive me, I heard him call you Daddy, my heart, just Sal I'm sorry, and we will figure things out, spend as much time with him as you want, he needs you , as much as you need him " I want to speak I'm afraid I'll cry I wait, look at her then the floor, I nod "I love him, he's a beautiful little boy inside and out, you did a great job, raising him, I'm sure it was lonely at times " she starts crying again I feel bad i go to her and hug her, she hugs me back, alot of memories flood back to me, I'm still mad at her, but right now in this moment  
Hugging her helps, us both.


	21. Overwhelmed cont...

I am just finishing up with AJ's bedroom set he was quite helpful handing me tools and asking me what they are for I mean this little boy , I can't get enough of him, it's just him and I ...at first we were not sure he'd be ok with just us, but he has been great, I don't know maybe cause we get along well, or he likes me,or who knows I am just happy that he did not get upset when Belle went to work earlier today. "buddy you hungry? a snack or something? " he looks at me and nods his head enthusiastically " ooh yes I am hungry come on let's go get food " he pulls on my hand I get up and follow him into the kitchen he picks out grapes and granola we sit at the table "are you on TV every day?" I grin  
eat some grapes then answer him "well almost, see they repeat our shows we already did, so yeah but it's nothing new , people like to see the same shows more than once"  
I watch him eat and can tell he's thinking , my text goes off I get up to look at it, it's Deb, I have been putting her off for a few days, she does not know about AJ, we have been seeing one another about 3 months but its nothing serious, with me being gone so much I wanted it causal I go to reply to her, then she calls , I don't feel like talking so I silence my ringer, I text her I am busy I will call her later, she sends me back an angry face emoji icon, whatever I put my phone down go back to AJ "daddy ( I still melt everytime he says that) can we go see my mommy? I like to see all da animals" he looks so cute my God its like looking in a mirror his little face "sure buddy I will text her and we can go ok? " he claps his hands stands up in his chair and opens his arms for a hug I laugh stand up and hug him to me , I have not been this happy in a long long time.

AJ is busy talking to John , John is actually on the floor playing with him and Sisco, I missed that dog, he stayed here with John and Alex, AJ s taking quite a liking to him  
I knock on her door she motions come on she's on the phone she says just a few mins to me she s getting xray reports, I look at the pics she has on her desk , they are all AJ , baby pics, toddler I pick them up look at them she glances at me, she ends the call then reaches into her bag and hands me a big thick manila envelope "these are every picture I have taken of AJ, professionally and my own, for you any you really like I can get blown up , or any you want to frame " wow that s really sweet of her, I nod "thanks Belle I can't wait to look thru these , a lot in here " she nods " you know I liked photos I also put on top a copy of his birth certificate and the day he was born they imprinted his feet I had two copy's made one is yours" I look I want to see his birth certificate , I am listed as his dad I look at her "well you are his dad, did you not think you would be on there"  
I look at it then up at her again " no I ...can I ,..I will just come out and say it, I want him to have my last name " I hold my breathe she looks intently at me " ok , we can have that taken care of sal , but I also want him to keep my last name too, I mean yours can be last..but " I shake my head yes " wow long name for him Anthony Joseph Cardelli Vulcano, his hand's gonna hurt writing that so much" she laughs " no he can write AJ Vulcano, you know for school and what not, just so his legal name is that " I am happy she agreed so quickly, I guess I was expected an argument, glad there was not one we discuss him staying with me overnight, try that out , we had a great day together I ask her if its ok if my parents meet him, just them at first so it' s not overwhelming she says yes " I mean you can be there too I think that would be good for AJ" "well I can be , although I am sure your parents are not thrilled with me, which is fine, I just don't want anything said infront of AJ, know what I mean?" " Belle they would not, and look whatever they feel they are just excited to meet him" truth be told my Mom loves Belle, she was not happy about her keeping AJ a secret but, she has always loved her, they had a very good relationship, I am really excited for them to meet my baby boy. I'm watching AJ interact with his parents, he's talking to them laughing I was pretty sure this would be his reaction , Sal comes and stands by me "They are enthralled with him, as you can tell " I smile and nod , his parents were kind to me which I truly appreciate, Sal starts to say something to me when his doorbell rings i hear him talking to a woman, then she gets loud I hear footsteps then more , a woman is standing in the doorway inches from me she looks at me then Sal "why is your ex here? " I'm thinking how the heck does she know me then I see her look at AJ she's staring at him I see his dad stare at her she turns to look at Sal "is that your kid? Omg he looks just like you, you have a kid? Wtf Sal when were you going to tell me!!! Is she his mom?,(she points at me) Sal wtf is going on?". She's yelling, I'm not thrilled with her foul mouth either I go and pick him up I think we need to go I head to the hallway she blocks it, Sal moves by her "knock it off Deb, quit yelling and cursing, I will talk to you just move " she stares at me eyes narrowed , I give her back a dirty look "please move , we need to go ". She folds her arms I look at Sal like um are you kidding me? I go to walk out the back door thru the kitchen she starts yelling again oh screw this I take him out quickly and around the house into the car it's cold but I'll get our coats another time "mommy why was that lady yelling? I didn't wanna go, mommy I'm cold " I turn the heat way up, check his buckle again and back out "I don't know her honey, not sure why she was yelling you can see daddy later, so did you have fun meeting your .... grandparents?" He chats away I listen and smile, I hope Sal is ok, I mean I know he can hold his own, she's a gem....not. I ring the doorbell, I see her come to the door she waves for me to come in, I see her hands are wet she's wiping them on a kitchen towel I hang my jacket up , and thier two coats they left behind I walk in the kitchen she's putting clean dishes away "he's asleep, course feel free to kiss him, he was waiting for you, I said you may not make it over before bedtime" I go to see him, he's snuggled up to his stuffed giraffe , Sidney as he calls it, I lean over rub his head , kiss him , adjust his blanket , I tell him I love him then go downstairs, Belle is on her couch on her iPad , I sit next To her ."I'm sorry about before, that was Deb , I was seeing her for a few months, I should have told her, I kept putting her off, that's why she just showed up". I can tell he's stressed "how did she know I was your ex?". "oh , um she's seen your picture, I have some in my photos on my phone " I don't know what to make of that, he still has pictures of me, well like I do of him, I lied to myself saying I saved them to show AJ someday, partly true, but I looked at them , I missed him, alot more after AJ was born he's looking at me, I smile "did you miss me Belle? ". What timing is this? Wth...."yes , I did, I was pregnant with your baby, you were always in my mind" he shakes his head "and yet you kept it from me, look...I am not starting an argument, really I'm not...I just can't grasp it Belle, was I really that horrible, that you couldn't tell me? I know I was a dick when I was on tour, for what's it worth....that day, FaceTime, she kissed me, I pushed her away, I know things were said that day but Belle i never cheated on you, I never would , I tried telling you that but ....anyway I want to coparent with you, I can get past it...he's more important than the anger I felt towards you...to move on i need to forgive you..to be in a better place for myself ...we've known each other a long time, we were close Belle, I'm not saying it's the same between us, but I want to move forward, he's our son. He's what's important.". I am happily surprised, I know how mad he is, was...maybe still is, it's alot for him to say what he did, Sal can hold a grudge, for a very long time..it's his nature ,but he's impressed me greatly "Thank you Sal, that ...it means alot and I totally agree with you, you and I can do this together, watching you with him, it's..I knew you'd be a good dad..I am just sorry I didn't let you know, or see him , I know....(I tear up, dammit)". "No Belle , no more sorry, I know you are, I forgive you , you have to work past it too, your guilt, your sorry I know that...you lived with that , a long time, and as much as it wasn't fair to me, it wasn't fair to you either " his words make me cry, he's so damn sweet, I remember this Sal, he takes my hand in his, I squeeze his hand then get up to get tissues, I mean I kept AJ from him, and he's being kind to me, but...deep down that is the Sal I fell in love with , I walk over and sit down I pat his arm. "I have to eaten dinner, want to order a pizza? I mean unless you need to be someplace" he shakes his hesd no "I don't need to be anyplace, I would like some pizza, the usual for me " I smile then go get my phone to order, I watch him sit back on my couch , I quickly stop those thoughts from entering my mind.....


	22. Fatherhood

Each day that passes I feel more love, happiness for my son, he's amazing, the more time I spend with him , I'm aware that I'm a dad, sounds stupid but it's how I feel, I see things in him, I see in me, he's brought out feelings in me, I've never experienced, the closest thing to this love aside from my parents, my family's was Belle, I see her in him, his laugh that's all her, he will be four in five days, he has been in my life almost a year, he's a November baby, just like me, I'm looking so forward to spending his birthday with him. He's in preschool three days a week three hours a day, I get him every Wednesday that's our day, unless I'm on tour , or filming, but I've picked him up when I film, when I'm able to, he loves coming on set, the guys love him, they play with him on set, even get in trouble for playing too much with him, not filming it's pretty funny. Q finds him so fun, he's like a big kid with him, it's nice to see, makes me so happy. Belle and I are getting along really well, parenting AJ is something we do really well together.  
I'm single, Deb and I broke up shortly after she met AJ, I couldn't handle her bullshit , quite frankly , I can care less, I mean I miss the sex but  
Not the dating drama, AJ takes up my time and I'm just fine with that. I've had moments , where I let my mind go to Belle, shes still beautiful, even more so, and watching her with AJ , she's a wonderful Mom. It's sexy at times, I can't explain it, but seeing her mother our son, I don't know ..  
It's how I feel , it's Thursday he has preschool today he's asleep in his room at my house, I go to wake him up, get breakfast then take him, Belle and I don't have anything set in stone, as far as who has him, but when I'm home we keep it pretty much the same for him. 

He's eating his oatmeal, he loves oatmeal , I took him yesterday for his haircut, he looks adorable. My little man. "Daddy I'm gonna be four in five days, and you won't go away from me right? No tour right?". I shake my head no "baby boy, I'll be right here, promise" he smiles and keeps eating  
We head on out to preschool, he's in my backseat singing along with my iTunes library I've got connected in my car, he always says sing too daddy, course I do..anything my baby boy wants, later on I take him to Belle s house, she will be home around five, I get dinner ready and we read, play,  
With his star wars action figures, um I think I have more fun than him , with star wars guys.

I'm so tired, I went to see Alex after work, and do some things for him, a nurse stays with him now, he can't work anymore, it's so sad seeing him decline, I really thought he'd get better, it's breaking my heart to see him in this state. His parents are here, they came to stay with him last month, John is not dealing with Alex's sickness well...but we all deal in our way, I missed AJ , but I know Sal and him had a good day, I kiss him goodnight. Shower , PJs on then go downstairs, Sal is in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher,. "Sal I can do that, you cooked" he smirks "you worked , then Alex, long day I got this, you sure you ate enough?" I nod, it was good, I'm just not hungry tonight "thank you for cooking", I really appreciate it Sal" "hey it's my pleasure , AJ ate a lot so I must not be too bad a cook" she smiles at me, her dimples are so deep, AJ has em, well I have them too, so he was destined to have them, she sits down warily in the chair "it's so hard , watching him die , I was so hopeful he would pull thru this, it was caught pretty early, so the Dr's said...it's cruel really if you think about it, to make a person , linger, just let him die peacefully , maybe that's mean, selfish I don't know for me I just want him to not suffer, John is not taking it well, I mean of course how could he , I don't know Sal, I just....feel , lost anymore" I know how hard this Is for her, I go sit next to her take her hand in mine and hold it "with all that's going on with Alex, I ,..was thinking, we need to legally get papers drawn up, in case anything were to happen to me, I mean you are his dad you would have him but my estate and whatever else, I would like to name you as my beneficiary is that ok with you?" I feel sick I don't to ever want to think of anything ever happening to her, AJ needs her, ...I need her, I hate these conversations " if that's what you want, of course we can ..get that done..I will do one too I guess...I mean its the adult thing to do for AJ's sake" she nods and squeezes my hand we just sit like that for a while , her hand feels good in mine, I rub my thumb over her hand every so often she looks tired I suggest we go sit in the living room, maybe some TV , we go , I sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulders, she instantly lays her head on my shoulder, I am content to say the least.


	23. You...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead"

Baby boy' s party was so much fun, his cousins, family, the guys, his friends from pre-school , kids were everywhere. We had it at fun palace, games, jumping things, things to climb, air hockey, basketball hoops, yeah he was out cold on the way home after and it was only a little after 7. I carry in his gifts , Belle carried him to his room, we put his pjs on him, he did not even wake up, we kiss him tuck him in , then go to the living room. "sal want a glass of wine?" I nod yes "yeah thanks, pizza will be here soon I called before we left the party" "good thinking, I am so hungry did you eat?"  
she hands me my glass of wine & sits next to me on the couch tucks her legs under her "I had some carrots from the veggie tray, that was it, those kids ate a lot, man that was fun " she sips her wine  
and nods "the biggest party he ever had, so glad he was with you for it Sal" I smile and sit back " tell me about the day he was born, I mean you have told me things here and there but..:" she sets her glass down on the coaster on the glass coffee table and looks at me " well you know he was a C-section, the ultra sounds tech told Dr Raos that AJ had wide shoulders...as you know he did not, 7 pound little baby was born, but the C-section was not so bad, since it was a C-section it was scheduled so I went in at 7:00 am on a Friday morning, it was such a pretty morning, most Florida mornings were, Marty and Chris came with me, Marty was in the surgery room with me, they came in and gave me the epidural Sal that needle was huge I thought I'd pass out..they stuck it in my spine (I see him cringe) I know sounds bad but it's like getting a bee sting, not too bad. They wheeled me down to the surgery area it was 8:49 , at that point I looked on the clock on the wall, they prepped me, the anastelogist was a jokester which helped, I was nervous, I was about to become a mom, and have my body cut open, after they prepped me Dr Raos looked at me and said are you ready my dear? I said yes I am , I felt a small tug and then I heard him cry, he did not cry too long, I could not see him right away, with a C-section a drape is up from my chest down, as it should be , I did not want to see my insides , you would not have either Sal , but...the nurse and her name was Sally which I found interesting, she was the first person to show me him, his little mouth was curled up like an O , his little eyes were adjusting to the light, oh Sal he was breathtaking. I kissed him and then they took him to clean up, vitals, do his footprints .put his bracelet on him. Once I was all done they brought me to my room and Sally brought him in , she put him in my arms and...I just...cried, he was beautiful, you saw his newborn pics, that little blue knit hat on him , Marty & Chris stayed a bit, loved on him, around 7 that night it was just him and I ...well and Nurses in and out...but him and I , I mean I just stared at him , held his little fingers, and toes, he ate like a fiend , latched on from the first time, which was so great I did not have to worry about that with him. And....... I missed you , Sal..I missed the fact you were not there, as I know it was all me to blame...I just held him and....( I tear up) I told him about you , your name, what you did, where you lived, I told him about you and I ...and ..wait I have something for you , my God how did I forget this?'" I watch her get up she goes to the closet in the hallway, I see her go into what looks like a baby book , she brings that and hands it to me, but also hands me an envelope and sits next to me" that s his baby book, but that...is a letter I wrote to you, the day he was born  
obviously I did not send it, I wanted you to feel and know exactly how I did that day" I ...gingerly open it, and pull out the three pages she wrote, I see the date at the top, and time she wrote it, she wrote it the night he was born, I sit back a little and read it, I can feel her eyes on me, I re-read the last paragraph, it brings tears to my eyes, it's so heartfelt, I also feel how alone she felt. I place it back into  
the envelope and place it on top of the baby book on the table, I wipe my tears and look at her., she s crying, I lean over and wipe her tears away "hey, don't ..why are you crying?" she shakes her head, she can't talk , I wait...she clears her throat "the pain I caused you Sal, keep causing, you , I will never be sorry enough" "hey, you ...gave me the best thing ever in my life, I am not in pain, I cried when I read that because it was heartfelt and I ..sensed how lonely you were " and with that she cries harder, I move closer and pull her into me , I kiss the top of her head and hold her tight , after a bit she looks up at me "you are so sweet Sal , you did not change, you are comforting me...when I should be...the one doing that for you " I move the curls out of her face and tuck her hair behind her ears, her hazel eyes are gorgeous, glistening with tears, looking into my eyes, her body feels so warm next to mine, I smell her shampoo I love that smell, its just like I remember, she also smells like lavender ,  
she moves her face closer to mine, her lips are inches from mine own, she leans in and kisses me, her lips are soft and smooth, I kiss her , gently placing my hand on her face, cupping it gently, place my arm around her back and she moves closer to me her leg touching mine, I kiss her more deeply now, she puts her arms around my neck , I feel her tounge in my mouth and let her feel mine too...it feels so good kissing her, my God ....the doorbell rings, we stop and I look at her , I clear my throat and go to the door, I see it's the pizza guy & adjust my shirt and reach for the money I set on the table in the front hallway, my heart is beating so fast, in a good way, been a while I felt that.

I set the pizza down by our wine glasses and sit back down I look at her, and she moves over to me , sits on my lap and kisses me, I pull her body into mine, I run my hand under he shirt I feel her  
bare skin , she moans quietly then runs her hands under my shirt omg that feels so good, she moves her lips from mine and kisses the side of my neck she gently sucks on it , I say her name and  
run my hands down to her ass and squeeze it she looks at me, stands up and puts her hand out, I take it and follow her to her bedroom she closes the door , I grab her from behind and kiss the back of her neck then move us to her bed, she pulls me down on top of her, she feels how excited I am , she raises her arms up and I help her out of her shirt, she has on a dark pink plunging lace bra  
so sexy, I run my hand over the lace, I feel her tug my shirt, I move to take it off, she moves her lips to my chest and trails kisses along it, her hands move to the button and zipper on my jeans, she unbuttons and unzips me, I feel her hand in my boxer briefs, I undo the buttons on her khakis , pull the zipper down, she lifts her body , I yank then off, then gently slide the lace panties off her, my eyes stare at her pussy , I get my pants and boxers down and off, she looks down and puts her hand on my dick, she moans at the contact , I run my middle finger down her wet clit she arches her back, I want in her , but my tounge wants her pussy, I move my head down her body, her breathing becomes rapid I look at her to make sure she's ok She nods, letting me know I should continue, I cover her pussy with my wide tounge, she tastes so good, I lick her slowly, the moan from her is so deep, so long it's sexy, I love her sweet pussy, i love her reaction when I lick her, I don't want her to cum yet, I suckle on it then move up my face to hers "Sal, oh your tounge, so good, I've missed you, your tounge " I smile and kiss her "you always did like my work in that area" she nods "I haven't had sex since you Sal, I am on birth control, it regulated my body after AJ was born". "I was , I'm the last man you were with?," She nods, fuck I love that, I help her take her bra off , suck each nipple, I position at her entrance and push in, fuck she's tight, she bites her bottom lip, I go slow , I'm bigger than average and no sex, well..she's really tight, we find a rhythm that suits us, I movd my middle finger down and rub her clit that makes her moan loudly, I rub her , oh she's so wet, she's going to cum, hard I know it "baby you feel so good, your pussy always I fit in it perfect " "Sal, no one ever will fit better in me than you, no one and the way you lick me, ooooh Sal" she cums right then, her body shakes , under me she cums alot fuck I can't hold out, I cum inside her, she shudders and digs her nails into my shoulders. I look in her eyes, she looks in mine, I missed her, more than she will ever know.


	24. Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *sexual content ahead*

My hand is on his chest, it rises slowly as he breathes , I study his face, it's beautiful, changed from the seven years ago when I met him, and still as gorgeous. He's my son's father, he's the man I never fell out of love with, he's been my great joy, my worst pain, and the man who's been the greatest love I've never known, the best lover ever, and I want him in my life, we can be a family, I mean if he wants that, I certainly do, I'm hoping this wasn't just sex, I lean over and kiss his chest, I love doing that, his chest is so broad, smooth I kiss here and there then rest my head on his chest, I close my eyes listening to his heart beating ... I feel his arm on my back I turn my face to look at him, he's smiling I move to his face and kiss him "hello Mr Vulcano" he runs his fingers thru my hair "Mr Vulcano says hello to you too...it's 3:23 am feels like I slept alot longer than I did " I move to kiss his chest then lay my head on it again " sex makes you sleep well, at least from what I remember " he grins that Sal grin that I love "I gotta say I'm in love with the fact, no other guy was with you " I smirk at him " I gathered that earlier from the look on your face when I told you....I was a busy mom....and honestly , I was....hung up on you so....." "Well I mean I can see why, I'm sure i ruined any other guy, put him to shame even " I laugh and shake my head "if you are referring to you're larger size, then.....I agree , but no other man compared to you in many other ways...you are Sal, my Sal even when you weren't you were mine, at least in my mind " I look at her , I know that feeling" the women I dated, I constantly compared them to you, no one took care of me like you did, you loved me for me,...not Sal from TV, you know me, deeply, that happens and not always , and uh....you did things to my body.....well, let me say this, our chemistry amazing" I shiver from his words , that's very true , I kiss and suck on his neck he really loves that , I feel him grow hard against my leg...I move down his body, look up at him, the look on his face....I know what he wants, and he knows he's going to get it, I slide my mouth onto his dick, and go all the way down, quickly since hes so big , I can't fit all of him in at once , what I can I suck on , just like I know he likes , he's moaning , his fist pounds the bed , he looks down at me,i meet his eyes " Belle , god baby, you know what to do to me, baby...." His hand reaches down he grabs a handful of my hair, Yanks it a little, I love it, I know he's going to cum, I feel his body, then taste him, I swallow all of it, I finish up then move up his body , he's breathing heavy he holds me close to him , I kiss along his jawline he moves his body to face me his hand travels down I feel his finger on my clit, he raises his eyebrows"you're so wet, giving me a blowjob made you quite excited " I nod I can't speak, his finger feels too good, he Push's his middle finger inside of me I gasp and buck my hips up he moves his pointer finger to my clit while his middle finger is pushing in and out of me...omg feels SO good, he tilts his head to the side, oh my ...god...I know what that means my body trembles and not just from his fingers in and on me, he's going to whisper those words in my ear, it's been so long he pumps faster , he moves his lips to my ear "baby, you ready ? (, I nod) been a long time since you heard these words, ..before I say them , know this ....I will be saying them alot more after tonight ", my heart's going to burst yes!!!! Please My Sal!!!! He kisses my earlobe I feel his warm breathe against my ear and neck I grip his arm tight..then he says them "cum baby, cum for you're Sal" I yell his name and cum, I cum so hard I swear I see stars , he moans then kisses me he lays on top of me and pushes in , I moan and kiss him hard,hes thrusting in me, I want to scream but I hold it in, he moans in my ear then cums I feel it in me, he shudders then looks at me "fucking amazing baby"


	25. Letting go and starting over

I'm up, showerd and dressed, I got maybe three hours of sleep and I feel so damn good. Being with her makes me happy, I forgot how much or refused to remember cause it hurt so much. The closeness we have is incredibly rare to me, the sex, the best, truth be told I love that part, and for her to not have been with a man since me, my ego has been boosted. We talked alot last night, early this morning, it was hard to admit some things out loud but after , it was the right thing to do. I held her close to me in her kitchen this morning, kissed her bye , and felt like I used to, whole. I was in a good mood, I am just ready to get up , leave or go off and I really don't want to go off....but... "look it's his business not yours Tim, or any of us sitting here, so lay off of him already" I look at Joe, he has always been my protector and I him, Q looks at me, the others and nods . I came in happy, Joe asked me about my night after the party and I told him, unbeknownst to me two other people were listening, not invited mind you the conversation was between Joe and I ..course Q but he was not in yet, no one's opinions matters , what' s more I never asked for it, I am trying to stay cool. "all I am sayin is this Sal....she had your kid, and waited three years to tell you , and you are all forgiving what's worse you are with her again? I mean Sal you two are not the best in couple mode" I stare at Tim, he s my friend since high-school he works on our set , he better shut the fuck up cause I am about to lose it "you could date anyone Sal, I mean you have a history with her I get that ...but she is not a good person" that's it! I stand up and point at him "look Tim you don't know her, like I do, she's amazing, she's a great person, what happened with our son, is between us, my feelings for her and hers for me, is between us, I was not even talking to you, you have not had perfect relationships, no one I know has, you are my friend , you know that, but you are not going to disrespect her or our relationship, keep your comments to yourself , this is the only warning you are getting" and with that I sit down , its quiet no one says anything, Joe is looking at me and Q is looking at his hands Murr walks up having just gotten here "hey guys" he looks at us all..he can see something is up "everything ok ? " he looks around, no one says a word, I look at Tim he stands up gathers his laptop and gors to work on set, Joe tells Murr it's all good , ready to film gentleman, we stand up and get going , Q leans over to me "good for you Sal, just so you know, if you are happy, I am buddy" I tell him thanks that means a lot to me , pat his back and off we go . I am not in a good mood now but I try and change that around, it's stupid to let one person s view upset me, dammit. Belle sent me a text while I was filming, asking me if I could get AJ from Alex's house, her and John closed the office early, Alex is not doing well at all and they went to be with him, I feel so bad for him, his parents, his brother John, and Belle , this is so hard for her, he's been her friend , a brother really to her for over 13 years now, she's going to be so upset, and AJ, Belle and I talked about him , he's never dealt with Death and it's not a subject I want to talk about , but he loves Alex, he' s his Uncle Alex, we kind of prepared him , but he's four , how much can you prep a four yearold about death? I pull up and park in the street and walk up to the door, I knock, his dad answers, greets me and I go in, AJ sees me and hops up from the puzzle he 's doing, I pick him up & hug him close to me , kiss him. "daddy , hi I missed you today...daddy (He whispers in my ear) Mommy's crying a lot today, I told her don't cry mommy I love you , she hugged me..but keeps crying " he's so damn sweet "that was so nice of you buddy to say that to her, she's sad ...we just have to give her lots of hugs ok?" he nods at me and lays his head on my shoulder, he's tired I sit with him on the couch, after a few minutes Belle comes out, her face is so so sad, her eyes are filled with tears, she comes to sit by us, AJ hugs her and I put my arm around her, my heart hurts for her she wipes her eyes with her sleeve "Sal he's tired you can take him to your house, or mine, whatever you prefer and I will be there later, is that ok?" I nod "course it is, I can take him to your house, so when you are done here you can be home ok?" she nods and kisses AJ , she helps him get his coat & hat on hands me his bag , she leans up and kisses me, AJ smiles and takes me hand , I squeeze her hand and leave. I am sitting at his bedside, his parents are in the hallway talking to the priest, John is sitting by me, I have Alex's hand in mine, he has not opened his eyes in hours, he looks peaceful to me at least "I saw you kiss Sal...." John looks at me " it's about damn time you two are together, you are right?". I nod " I love him , you know I never stopped, I'm just....I didn't think he'd even like me after , what I did let alone...want to be with me,". " He's a good guy Belle, he loves you it's evident, stay with him Belle he's your one...I've known that all along, Alex too, he'd be so happy knowing that", I tear up and squeeze Alex's hand, he most definitely would be happy , what am I going to do without him? Life is unfair , I want him here John does, his parents other people too, he's a kind hearted, sweetheart of a man, the world will have one less wonderful man in it. She's been crying for a while now, my arms are wrapped around her , I kiss her head and gently rock her, she and in around 11 , he's gone She stayed till they came to get him, till his parents went home, she followed John home made sure he was ok, well as ok as he can be. It's breaking my heart, hearing her crying, her sobs are gut , wrenching she moves to wipe her face , drinks some water , I rub her back, she holds my hand and looks at me " I will miss him so much, I ..he was one of my best friends, I....Sal I love you, I have loved you since we met eight years ago, I know I'm not easy to always get along with, and....with what I did ... concerning AJ, but...I never did not love you, ups and downs in our relationship we've had...I could of...should have tried harder for us, I know I did things too...I just Sal I love you, like no other, I've never loved any other person, except that little human we made...as much as I do you, it's important to me that...I said that to you." And with that she lays her head on my chest and hugs me, she's crying again I wrap my arms around her and lean us back a little," baby , I know....how much you love me, perfectly honest with you, it scared me, how much I felt for you, I mean scared me so much, I didn't know , how to deal with it, so ..I let us go...I didn't fight like I should have, but I'm not going to make that mistake again, I want you in my life, with me you're ...my girl Belle you belong with me. " She nods and kisses me, admitting how I felt in the past , to her, has opened up what I've wanted for a long time now. "


	26. Together we're a family

I'm in the bathroom trimming up my beard, little man is sitting on the counter talking to me, watching. Q is coming to stay with him while Belle and i attend the funeral. "Daddy you live here now? ", I look at him "no. I....stay here with you and your Mom...but I have my house too". He tilts his head which always makes me smile, since that's something I do too ." You stay here lots , you should live here all the time, that's a family , did you know that ?" I just want to cry, I adore him so much ,he's so innocent, sweet ." Buddy we are a family , no matter where I live, you, me and Mommy " he nods his head "and poppa, and grandmas and .." I listen to him list all my family, then Belle's, he then let's me know about his plans with Uncle Brian , I pick him up carry him to Belle's room she's picking out shoes from her closet to go with her black dress, I shouldn't think this considering the circumstances but she looks so damn beautiful. "Mommy you look pretty " she scoops him up and hugs him close , I put my shirt on and adjust my tie she's holding him tight, he laid his head on her shoulder, she's rocking him a little , I love watching them together , makes my heart full, these two , the love in my heart I have for them is endless.

We are on the way to the restaurant from the cemetery, it's freezing today which, to me makes today worse. "I don't want to go to the restaurant, I mean it would be rude if I didn't I guess , I've always found eating , having to talk to people after, I mean the family is in mourning, I don't know , just how I feel." I squeeze her hand I'm holding " I agree with you, I guess it's to thank people for coming, but I understand your point, we don't have to go honey, I know it's alot for you " she sighs "John would be disappointed, I have to go, Sal....thank you for going with me" I scoff. "honey no need to thank me, I wouldn't let you go without me, I'm here for you " she nods pulls my hand she's holding kisses it and then places it back down holding my hand tight, she kissed my hand a lot, I always found it endearing, still do.

We are home, it's a little after two is crashed on the couch AJ is laying on him asleep "how sweet they are Sal " she goes over kisses AJ "should we wake Q?". "Nah let him sleep , you want some tea?". She smiles at me "yes, perfect I'm going to change you want to? You have clothes here "  
I nod and follow her upstairs, she goes in her drawer hands me clothes " I washed all your clothes you have here, some are in my closet, if you need any of them " "thank you , for washing my stuff honey "

she wraps her arms around me looks up at me " I love you Sal, I love you so much  
I want you to know that" I kiss her forehead " I know that I've always known that, just like I will tell you , I love you, with all my being " she reaches up to kiss me, I pull her into me and kiss her , I love her lips, I love her arms wrapped me, I love her.

I'm standing in the ER , behind a curtain AJ got hurt at preschool, he looks horrified, his head has a huge gash in it Belle is holding him sitting in the bed trying to soothe him, I don't even remember the drive over, I was talking on set after we got done when I got the text from Belle , I was so anxious, I still am, i have to show him I'm ok, he's feeding off of me I know , I hold his hand , the Dr comes in to start the stitches , AJ starts crying   
I lean down and place my hands on his face "buddy, listen ok....look at Daddy, it's only gonna hurt for a tiny minute, the Dr is going to numb your forehead, you won't feel the stitches, keep looking at me, ok ? AJ look in my eyes, talk to Daddy " he sniffles my heart hurts my poor baby   
"Um...what did you do on set?" The Drs about to numb his head I talk softly and tell him, he tenses up when the needle goes in but he's listening to me , Belle is next to him still, she's watching me talk to him, she's holding his hand , he's doing really well , I'm so proud of him . Heading home now after we stopped for carivel ice cream he deserves it, he's tired, he fell asleep before finishing his ice cream it's also after seven we were there a while , I change him into PJ s , he opens his eyes "daddy I love you", then he closes his eyes , I kiss his cheek , say I love you too I cover him up put his night light on, go back kiss him again, then go to the bedroom," I hope he won't be in pain when he wakes up, poor baby, Sal you....were so great with him, honey you kept him focused on you , not what the Dr was doing , and I know that was hard for you, aside from the fact you hate hospitals, i know it was hard for you to see him in pain" I nod and rub my face with my hands "it sucked I would rather it was me hurt, not him that pain in your heart, damn it's real" "aww honey Sal you are a good man and an even better dad", she hugs me around my waist and rests her head on my chest   
I'm happy he s ok, happy to be here, with my loves.


End file.
